Triple H really needs to not open any merr shows. It has tae stop. Don't get me wrong, I'm still intae this storyline tae a degree. It should end at HIAC on Sunday, but its still pretty good. Still comes up wae a shock here and there tae keep ye guessin, but dae we really need Triple H n Micheal Cole having a fuckin sitdown interview in the ring tae open Smackdown? its aw patter about HBK and if hes the best man for the job. Triple H thinks he is. So fuck.
Daniel Bryan has heard enough but and comes out tae hilariously wave in Hunters face while he refuses tae look at him. Bryan tells Trips naecunt can stop him winning that belt when they enter HIAC. Not Triple Hs accountant, or his da, or Giant Gonzlaez. Nae cunt. Triple H says fuck all, and Bryan chants YES! in his face. Actually turned out no bad, but I'm still scunnered wae seeing Pauls daft beak, wae his stupid face attatched tae it.
The Usos vs Luke Harper and Erick Rowan
Miz was on commentary here, and JBL asked him why he doesn't just run when Bray and the boys come at him. Valid point JBL meht. Miz responds wae some shite patter about Bray looking like he fell asleep at a Jimmy Buffet concert and I didnae get it. Uso hits a dive on the Wyatt boys, before Harper lays oot the other yin wae a lariat. Miz then does rogue and runs roon tae knock Bray doon, and then he urges Rowan tae chase him which the daft bastard of course does. Usos hit a sublime double superkick on Harper and grab the win. Usos furra tag belts on Sunday? I'd be intae it, as much as I'm enjoying Cody n Goldys work, we aw ken they're headed for a feud, so why not gie it as much time as possible and gie Rikishis boys the gold?
Unless it leads tae The Miz being extinguished, I cannae say im intae this angle wae Bray ataw. Sorry Bray meht, yer promos are still braw but I don't really need tae see ye squash this idiot at HIAC. I'd rather see ye in an angle that mare than a small pocket of folk gie a fuck aboot.
AJ vs Nikki Bella
Fuck sake. Nuhin better tae remind ye why she gets called the 'shite' Bella than tae actually see her wrassle eh. It wis messy as fuck but AJ looked right cheeky, and got the win wae the black widow. Cheekyness and submission holds are no bad I suppose. Tamina also chucked Brie intae the steel steps cause she's a pure dom and I'm intae it. Sorry troops, but ye know the drill by now, if theres nae gid wrasslin tae occupy me when it comes tae the divas, I will dae some mild perving. Its my cross tae bear.
Brawness. Bray Wyatt leads the camera man to a wee place backstage where they have The Miz KO'd and tied tae some barriers. The Miz now truly understands what it means to follow the buzzards. He looked like he might be deid actually, but I think we'd have heard about that by now. He had 'liar' written across his chest, cause he cheated at Pictionary a few year back and Bray's still got a bee in his bonnet aboot it.
Los Matadores vs Drew Mcintyre and Heath Slater
This anaw. We get this same match every week fae these cunts. Its nice tae see Drew at least daein some wrasslin on TV, but fur fuck sake, I cannae suffer this Los Matanaecunts pish for another week. Even their very vocal supporters when they debuted have clamped it for the most part, cause its fuckin boring. If the wee bull wisnae involved it wis be the worst re-branding in WWE history. Well mibbe no, but I'm no a fan. Be Primo and Epico. Be a slightly boring but talented tag team, and then dae something that makes ye interesting. Don't be Tito Santanas jobber gimmick. Tito done that awready, cept he wis a jobber and he lost a lot of matches due tae being a jobber, cause that's what jobbing is, sorry whit? I wis away wae it for a second there. The match wis a squash, and really only existed tae set up the wee bitta patter big Zeb fired at the Matadors after it. He stauns at the entrance wae Cesaro and Swagger and tells them they're a pair of criminals for kidnapping that wee guy and putting him in a bull costume. Whilst that wis funny, I still didnae get tae see Cesaro wrestle, so it could bolt. If I see Cesaros face, I want tae see it engaged in a wrasslin match and that's fuckin that.
CM Skunk vs Ryback and Heyman
Whit? Some jobber in Punks gear wae a white streak on his hair. Rywank flings him aboot. What is the meaning of this caper? Heyman screams for a tag. He gets it, and goes for the kendo stick. Batters the jobber. Ryback hits the shellshock. End of story. Last show before Hell In A Cell and this is how they build heat for the match with Punk. Fuckin nonsense. Ryback looked like he'd rather be playin draughts in the back wae his fellow charisma vacuum Curtis Axel.
Heyman gets on the mic afterwards and calls himself the best in the world. Anytime he says this I assume he means at being a wrasslin manager, and I just nod and smile. Yes you are Paul. Yes you are.
Big E talkin tae Vickie backstage about replacing The Miz in the 8 man tag match. If square dids Ryback disnae get canned and Big E pushed tae the moon, I can only assume its racism or suhin. Or discrimination against Big E fur huvin spherical diddies.
A SOLO DEL RIO PROMO! PRAY FOR ARMAGEDDON.
Fuckin shite. Shite shite shite shite shite shite shite shite shite shite shite. You are a fuckin dire champion mate. I like ye generally anaw. Ye can wrassle and yer heel actions are always good but he forces fuckin everythin on the mic and that's no a language hing either, I just don't believe a fuckin word he says. Some nonsense aboot Cena getting his arm broke. Aye sound
WWE Shop plug. R-Truth n Santino. Sick aw doon masell. Too much cheese. Stop talking about being the best salesman in the WWE. Neither of you are Dolph Ziggler.
Khali vs Fandango
Natalya wae Khali again? I thought this pish died oot when they started booking Nattie in wrestling matches again? Fuck sake. I spose this served some purpose as we seen the beginnings of a feud between her n Summer Rae. That wid be so braw.
Match wis predictably shite. Khali hits some big boots, n slaps before Summer distracts him by being a wee ride. Natalya pulls her aff the apron, before receiving a slap tae the chops. The lassies huv a short stramash in the ring, and the match ends for some reason. Khali chops Fandango right on the napper and that's the end of that. I don't understand why any of it happened really, unless Summer and Natalya are definitely gonnae feud.
Daniel Bryan, Big E Langston and The Rhodesiez vs The Shield and Randy Orton
Ach we aw know the drill by now. 8 lehdz. 6 top class wrasslers, and a coupla decent wans. Yer gonnae get a match ye like. Goldust and Cody start the match off was some cohesive teamwork, before Cody tosses Ambrose oot tae gie them a chance for an ad break. Fuck ads. Fuck them in the fuckin eye or suhin. When we come back Big E is delivering a perfect belly tae belly suplex tae Rollins, cause he's the Da, and ye aw know it.
Rollins gets Cody isolated in the corner, and in comes big Reigns. In case ye wurnae sure hes one of the 'decent' wans. Ach hes improved a lot so I don't mind him, but hes still a wee bit raw. Speaking of raw hings, that's how ye'd describe the cunts chest and Bryan gets in the for the first time in the match and kicks him daft.
The match rolls on, wae team Bryan looking strong. Reigns misses a big splash and Goldy hits him wae the cross body for his troubles. Shouldnae miss big splashes Roman meht, a savvy vet lit Goldy is gonnae huv tae crossbody ye for that.
Randy finally gets in and the crowd went mild. Don't care aboot ye mate. Unless yer getting kneed aff Daniel Bryan, or Dolphs makin ye look good, ye can get tae fuck.
Cody hits an innocuous lookin spinning heel kick for a 2 count, and my man Micheal Cole goes "I THOUGHT HE HAD HIM!" you calm doon Mikey, its a fuckin spinning heel kick ya clown.
Cody dominates Orton for most of their wee exchange, cause he's a better wrestler and that's that. If ye don't agree, ye can go up the hills and eat worms for the rest of yer god forsaken existence.
Orton does that spot on Cody where he drops ye belly first on the ropes, cause that's all he has. Spots, RKO, DDT. Sorry fur aw the Orton apthy, but it wis really resonating wae me hard here, cause as soon as he got in my interest levels in the match plummeted.
He finally checks oot for Ambrose, but only for about 30 seconds. Orton again, sufferin fuck.
Cody has a wee go at getting battered aff everyone, before Bryan finally gets in and he dropkicked EVERYONE. The whole population of the arena, and yer wee maw. He then hits a suicide dive on Orton, before the missile dropkick laid Ambrose oot in the ring. Follows that up wae the chest kicks and then the roundhouse. Put Ambrose in the yes lock, but Reigns broke it up. Big E gets in amongst it and tosses Reigns tae fuck, before catching Rollins. Rollins wriggled oot but and dropkicked him clean oot the ring. The Cody hits the disaster kick on somecunt afore we finally get down tae Orton n Bryan. Orton his the Carmel DDT, and looks tae be limbering up for the RKO, but Big E sneaks in fae behind and shoves him intae the FLYING KNEE. Daniel Bryan pins Orton (kinda) fair n square. Big E and D-Bry. The Da's.
Overall a braw main event, and a decent opening match cannae save this Smackdown fae being fairly shite. 5.7889 samoan draps oota 10.
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