Well imagine aw that excitement. Aw that feeling like ye could take out the world THEN go 12 rounds wae Tyson in his prime, and then consider the fact that this Sunday, not only are ICW running a show even bigger than the one in Edinburgh, they're running this show in FUCKIN GLESGA. A city where when people bump intae ye THEY FUCKIN SAY SORRY (sometimes) A city where in at least 20% of the pubs it isnae £4.50 a pint. A city that disnae contain Heart of Midlothian Football Club. A city where ye'd be proud tae plant yer flag slap bang in the middle of n claim it as yer own. Hullo Glesga ya wee midden, I've missed ye.
Nae offence tae Embra folk there like. Yer City is proper braw tae look it and most of ye are really nice. Ye just need tae mibbe run some classes so folk know the proper protocol when they bump intae ye. Thats aw.
Oh aye. Wrasslin eh? Not just any old wrasslin either, this is ICWs flagship show. Their Wrestlemania, if Wrestlemania wisnae just a big merch selling exhibition wae a wee wrasslin show in the middle. Their Starrcade if Starrcade still existed. Their eh......naw I've ran oot. Moving swiftly on..
Viper and Bete Noire vs Carmel and Sara
The last addition tae the card here, and one of the best ones. Nae doubting Carmel's on fire right noo is there? Cutting aw the braw promos, having aw the best matches. A supremely talented lassie. I'm a wee bit sad I didnae see how good she was until the show in Edinburgh. Viper was also unbelievably impressive at ICW:FF - Its In Our DNA so looking forward to seeing her again. Sara and Bete Noire are also very talented so this'll be gid. Nae doubt. I expect Carmel and Sara tae sneak the win, nut everyone will come out looking strong. Wid be surprised if we don't see Kaylee Ray afterwards. Mibbe tae extend a challenge of some sort tae Carmel, cause ye know fine well they urnae finished yet.
Mark Coffey vs Solar (ICW Zero-G Title Match)
Mark Coffey meht. Mark Coffey pinned the main man. Mark Coffey pinned the champ. Mark Coffey is the rightful air to the throne. Mark Coffey should have nae trouble disposing of the impressive, but still somewhat inexperienced Solar then eh? Well Solar acquitted himself excellently against big names like Wolfgang, Andy Wild and Noam Dar but ultimately couldnae get the win in any of those matches so ye have tae heavily favour Mark Coffey tae retain. If Solar could do it, the roof would blow clean aff the ABC maist likely. In fact nae, Glesga wid just burst intae flames. Mexico City wid be fuckin electric. That sounds no bad actually, but I still reckon Coffey will retain.
The Bucky Boys vs Fight Club vs The Sumerian Death Squad
I used tae dread triple threat/fatal four way tag matches so I did. WWE totally soured me towards them by constantly booking teams with nae in ring chemistry against each other. ICW has restored my faith after putting on one of the best Fatal 4 Way tag matches I've ever seen. In fact naw, it wis the best one I've ever seen. It had it aw. A card change. A belt change. Some mild torture of the Save Pro Wrestling Movements whipping boy. A heel turn. A belt change...naw I said that eh? But listen. The belts changed hands meht. We also see the return of one of the best tag teams in Europe, the Sumerian Death Squad so all in all I expect utter fuckin carnage here. That sound wae you? aye me anaw.
The NAK vs Wolfgang + Mystery Partner...... Unsanctioned Match
Huv tae assume this is a mystery partner situation eh? its a bit ambiguous but I reckon it is. Nae offense tae big Wolfy, but theres nae way he's fightin aw 3 of they NAK hoodlums and comin oot alive. Folk are assuming its Grado, but nah. Too obvious. Gradomania isnae deid, but its huvin the night aff. I think it'll be none other than the perennial fan in zipper, the bold Lionheart. Making his first appearance on an ICW card in 10 months tae partner the man who retired him at Santa Gravy last year. Tell ye whit else would be brilliant? Divers, BT and Renfrew start leathering Hearto n Wolfy daft. Weapons n aw sorts, and yer man Red Lightning comes oot tae make the save. We get a 6 man tag, nae DQ, and Lightning hits a Michinoku Driver on top of a bin for the win. I never seen Lightning turning face as a possibility, but it makes sense. I'd fuckin mark oot hard if it happened. Saying that, I love the NAK wae the tag belts, so either way I'll be happy. It'll be braw regardless. Would make more sense if Wolfy and co win and it isnae for the belts, so maybe that's why its unsanctioned. We'll see eh.
Noam Dar vs Andy Wild
No tae make excuses or anything, but here are my excuses. This laptop is completely n utterly goosed. Constantly cuts out. A brand new yin literally just arrived. It took me 4 attempts at posting this last night before it went through. I am absolutely certain at some point I had written a preview of this match. For me its a potential MOTN and we've aw missed Noam hunners. These two have great chemistry together and they're probably the best wrestlers in the world ever. Please don't batter me.
David The Beloved 'saves' Leah Owens
Hopefully Leah toes his baws for him, but I fear she might be his new 'apprentice' but after Sara drappin him like a flaming bagfi ah shite. If we get either an interesting wee promo fae this, or some partial nudity (female nudity preferably) I'll be happy enough.
Joe Coffey vs Robbie Dynamite
Personally I reckon this will be the match of the night. Robbie Dynamite worked legitimately one of the best matches I've seen in his first encounter wae Mikey Whiplash, and the second one was a belter anaw. Joe Coffey is one of the most consistent performers in Scotland, mibbe even like the World, or the Universe or suhin. Solid cunt. Lariat ye clean oot yer shoes. I reckon we'll get 20 odd minutes of pure wrasslin brilliance, before Coffey gets the win. Only way I can see Dynamite winning is if theres long term plans tae book him, and as welcome as that would be, I don't reckon its the case. Baith Coffeys winning and looking strong. Has tae be a good thing eh?
James Scott vs Jimmy Havoc vs Rhyno
James Scott vs Jimmy Havoc was one of the best matches on the card in Edinburgh, and the finish was very well worked. Fling a wild Rhyno intae the mix and we've got a party. I expect tae see nae few than 3 spears (or GOREs if ye prefer) and if one of those spears is delivered by Rhyno tae Jimmy Havoc I hink thats probably the end for Havoc eh? At best his tap half wid live independently from the bottom and then even if they choose tae live together, ye'll get daft fights aboot rent, n whos turn it is tae dae the washin. No worth the hassle really is it? if I wis Jimmy I'd be lookin oot for that. Yees should aw know I'm James Scott daft by noo, so I'd like tae see him win. I'd like him tae shout "WINNAR" and then thats that. Its another match where I widnae mind any outcome though, its jist gonnae be a good time for all involved.
Mikey Whiplash vs Jack Jester (ICW Title Match)
Of all their matches, I've only seen their tag match at Santa Gravy, and the one at Insane In The Membrane on YouTube. The first event in Edinburgh is the only ICW show I've missed since August last year, so I missed the Mixed Tag there anaw. Looking forward tae finally see these two knock lumps out each other in a singles match, and that singles match being for the belt will make it even more of a stauner inducing contest. Will be interesting tae see if Whippys re-alignment wae Jam leads tae the weirder elements of his gimmick returning. Wid be awrite wae me, its been a while fae I seen a man in a corset. As for the outcome, I've honestly got nae idea. Maybe its Jesters time eh? he's been wae ICW from the start, and has a huge following so the belt wid be in good hands wae him. Whippys reign has been excellent so far though, and I reckon theres still some mileage left in it. Whippy vs Joe Coffey for the belt would be something special if it ever came about. I'm just favouring Whippy to retain here, but really, who gies a fuck whit I think eh? its gonnae be an all out war and ye'll tell yer ma and aw yer mad aunties aboot it later.
As for wee surprises here n there, I'd lose my fuckin shit if Jackie Polo turned up. Even if its just tae hand oot flyers for his one man show. I'd fuckin weep wae joy. I reckon Team CK will get involved in one of the tag matches tae. Mibbe the triple threat if SDS and Fight Club gang up on the Buckys. They were heavily supported by the crowd at the show in Maryhill so a wee face turn might be in the works.
So whit ye waitin fur? if ye've no got a ticket, there's still time. If ye've got one, well done chief. I'll see ye there.
Fuckin Glesga man. I cannae wait tae enter ye wae reckless abandon, and I'm no comin oot for at least 12 hours.
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