There's a 50 grand bounty on AJ Styles. That's all you have to know about this promo. Dixie delivers the words. Dixie needs to not deliver any more words. Oh and Bully came out, saying he took out AJ for free, and he'll do it again for the 50k. Magnus thinks that idea is the pits, so he decides to come out and inflict that horrendous accent upon us. Magnus is the worst at charisma. He starts a Dixie Sucks chant, and then cuts a promo from 1936, because he's an Englishman in New York.
Bully tells Magnus he's no good. The biggest disappointment he's ever seen. He gets some heat for saying nasty things about Oklahoma, before Magnus knocks the taste out of this mouth, and also this was so awful it made me die inside.
Bully vs Magnus later. Oh yeah. So pumped for that.
During the ad break, I saw a pirate in the bath with two other men. American ads are peculiar.
Aces and Eights promo backstage. In the garage area where they keep their imaginary bikes. It's very strange how Aces and Eights is still a thing. There's three of them. That's not a thing. That's Too Cool without the dancing or likeability. Awful.
Christopher Daniels and Robbie E vs Hernandez and Eric Young
Winner gives his team the advantage in the gauntlet match at Bound For Glory. I don't know what the advantage is. Maybe they don't have to be in the match and that's the advantage. This is sloppy because Hernandez is involved and that what he does. We get Young vs Daniels briefly, before Robbie E somehow steals the pin to give the bro mans the advantage which I'm still not sure about entirely. The only benefit to gauntlet matches are the final bell.
Ads again. Shaq telling me to buy a spray which keeps your body cool. I don't even know anymore....
AJ Styles comes out to cut a promo on Dixie while he has a 50k bounty o his head, but he is seemingly the stupidest man alive. He is of course attacked by Aces and Eights, before Storm and Gunner make the save because nothing is allowed to make sense on Impact this week.
Knux and Bish vs Gunner and Storm
Awful. Terrible. No. I watched KENTA vs Sugiura before this. This is the total opposite of that. A waste of everyones time. James Storm must have slowly died inside as this mess unfolded. Storm throws a beer in Bischoffs face, so I suppose that was ok. It took me until 4 minutes in before I realised this was Gunner vs Knux in a singles match. That's how much I cared. Gunner wins with a spear.
Sabin cutting a promo about collecting to 50k. EVERYONES EARS EXPLODED. Sabin is just the worst on the mic ever. He makes me miss Bobby Lashley.
I was really feeling good about Impact lately too. So far this has been a sad return to the confusing ways of old. I may look in to the most effective ways to safely electrocute myself just to take the edge off.
Knox and Bischoff talking amongst themselves about Bully leaving them high and dry. Knox says something about it getting "real damn interesting" It wont if you're involved mate.
Brooke Tessmacher taking pictures of her rear. Gail Kim decides this is a good time to talk. Brooke rejects Gails attempts to have them join forces. Awful, forced and painful to watch.
Wee promo VT for the Ultimate X match at Bound For Glory. Enjoyable enough. That match will steal the show. Unless Angle is at his best, then it'll be him and Roode most likely.
Samoa Joe catches Sabin sulking around back stage and warns him to stop being so creepy. Sabin cries.
Samoa Joe vs Chris Sabin
Joe stomps Sabin out for the first 2-3 minutes. Chris Sabin was the TNA Champion not long ago. Crazy. Joe chopped him out the ring so Sabin walks away. Joe goes after him but he used Velvet as a shield. Then he DDT'd Joe on the ramp and Joe looks like he's about to be counted out, but he lunges into the ring a 9. Flying forearm from Sabin before he spits in his hand and rubs it in Joes face. Joe hits back with some form of slam out of the corner, before atomic dropping and kicking Sabin in the chest. This is more the tyoe of thing I expected from this, minus the face spitting. Another excellent DDT from Sabin, but Joe kicked out. Joe chokes him out for the win.
Then Austin Aries comes down the ramp and flying dropkicks Joe, and Hardy knocks Aries out before proceeding to get a ladder, set it up, and then Manik comes down to hit a cross body off the top of it. Hardy seems ok with this. Strange.
Bad Influence take out AJ Styles backstage, but he fights back. AJ actually stands for"Aint no Joke" because he is not to be messed with. Try again another time suckas.
Bully vs Magnus
Turgid affair between these two. I was really enjoying Magnus' work at the beginning of the BFG series but singe they let him start saying words he has lost all his appeal for me. I found this horribly slow. No in-ring chemistry between these tow at all. Styles just don't mix well at all. We have to suffer it for a few more minutes before Sting gets involved, and Bully uses a weapon on Magnus while the refs back is turned to pick up the win. Sting and Magnus argue briefly and Magnus looks like he's just been asked to do long division, a mixure of confused and intimidated. Or something. Awful.
More Magnus and Sting shouting backstage. What is the meaning of these shenanigans? Having the two guys argue a lot is not building heat before a big PPV. Its building a family dispute.
Kurt Angle comes out to cut a promo. A good one. I remember a time where this was commonplace. He tells Roode he's one of the best wrestlers on the planet, but he will NEVER be Kurt Angle. Roode has heard enough and decides to tell Kurt he doesn't want to be Kurt Angle.
Roode then goes on to ramble about the past, before pointing in Angles face and saying he's going to beat him. Anlge says he'll make him tap, so Roode attacks him and so do Bad Influence. Roode locks in the crossface and chokes Angle out before telling him he'll be the one making Angle tap out. This segment was the best thing on the show to this point by a distance. I haven't even tried to make any jokes, or say anything about bringing harm to myself. Called it straight down the middle for your reading pleasure.
The show ends with a contract signing between Bully and AJ. Bully calls AJ a redneck, before saying he cant beat him. He's probably right, because he certainly doesn't have the thunder in his firsts anymore, and also he wont have a contract very soon. Bully goes into an analogy about Ric Flair and Dusty Rhodes and its actually excellent promo work. Bully gives us the occasional reminder that he's one of the best on the mic in the business and when he does its usually breath-taking. He references Dusty Rhodes being annihilated but Flair, and then cutting a promo about how Flair had put him, the fans and his family on 'hard times' Bully says for the past year and as half he's put the wrestling world on 'hard times' and I laughed my voicebox into oblivion. He claims to be responsible for running Hogan out of TNA and that makes him my HERO. All this hard times talk reminds of the The Bossman and that's never a bad thing is it? He tells AJ he's going to send him home a defeated man without a contract. When he goes home after his loss his family will have left him. Bully is the Darth Vader of the wrestling business and AJ isn't no Luke Skywalker. Utterly beautiful promo. Then AJ had to go and ruin it....
He belittles Bully comparing himself to Flair. You just didn't get it mate did you? He calls Bully a "big dumb bitch" which is the worst one liner of all time. He has everything to lose, and everything to gain. Hopefully he gains the ability to cut promos which aren't confusing and messy.
AJ is going to beat Bully he says. because he's dangerous and intense. And also desperate. To me he is one of those things, and that's dangerous in terms of maybe remembering one of his promos whilst driving and crashing in to a pole.
Bully ends the promo by saying he wont be putting his title on the line, but instead he was going to collect the 50k bounty on AJs head, but instead AJ knocks him out with a briefcase, which appeared to be full of money. 50k worth. AJ throws it at Dixie Carter and she bathes in it. End scene.
Awful Impact this week. Joe and Sabin had a decent match, Bully had some great moments promo wise and Angle/Roode killed it. Aside from that it was terrible. 5 shinbreakers outta 10.
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