Pretty hard to keep that up when the show opens with some incoherent babbling from AJ Styles. AJ is basically mashing together both of his recent promos (solo one and one with Dixie) mixing in some southern slang, with a dash of "this might be my last shot, I don't have a contract" before Bully Ray comes out and tells him he smells. He also says he doesn't really believe he can beat Bully because he says he "hopes" he'll win. If he believed he's say he was going to win. AJ responds by laughing so hard at the idea that Bubba Ray Dudley is unbeatable, he peed his trunks. He then tells Bubba he will face Samoa Joe later which is A-OK with me. No idea why AJ got to reveal it though. Or if the match had even been made by that point. AJ doesn't have a contract, maybe he was just doing it for shits and giggles but either way, we remain at 50%.
Jeff Hardy and Manik vs Chris Sabin and Kenny King
This is the type of match that used to be commonplace on Impact. A fun tag match, filled with talented wrestlers. Hardy looks a lot more at ease working these mid card matches against people more suited to his style than he does half arsing matches further up the card against top talents, so its great booking to have him in the X Division right now. The match started with Sabin ducking Manik, and refusing to be tagged in, but Kenny King more than holds his own. Manik gets back on top though, hitting a superb missile dropkick. Hardy then looks for the twist of fate on King, but Sabin makes the save and King hits an excellent northern lights suplex into a pin only for Hardy to kick out. The match is brought to an end, when Manik and Hardy get king isolated; Manik hits the double chickenwing gutbuster and Hardy hits the Swanton for the win.
Sabin is so incensed by this he throws 18 ninja stars but Austin Aries, who was on commentary for this, jumps from his seat and catches them all. (I jest, Sabin attacked them both and Aries saved) Aries then suggests that him, Manik, Hardy and Sabin have a Fatal 4 Way and Bound For Glory. Kenny King stands on the ramp with a look of white hot rage on his face. Why has he been left out? That white hot rage turns into tears when Hardy suggests it should be an ULTIMATE X match for the X Division belt and all 4 parties agree. Kenny King likes Ultimate X matches. Why can't Double K wet his beak on this action?
With the fun match and the Ultimate X match announcement, I'd say that warrants a drop to just 35 % towards breaking point.
Hulk Hogan promo. Talking about how Dixie Carter is worse than Bischoff used to be, Here's the thing Hulk, both you and Bischoff are worse than Dixie, and would continue to be worse than her even if she was keeping all the fired TNA wrestlers in her basement and making them eat grains of uncooked rice all day with NO WATER. Right back up to 40 percent. I didn't even notice he was speaking to Sting until the camera panned out, and Sting says he has Hogans back. Hogan is then given a watch from Dixie Carter by her assistant or something, and he says "Bischoff never bought me anything" so I think they're dating now.
Magnus vs EGO (Daniels, Kaz and Roode) - Gauntlet Match
Magnus wanted this match, because the best way to deal with 3 guys interfering in your matches when you're the member of a stable, is to fight them on your own. Logic be damned. It starts with him and Daniels. I was a little disappointed with this, namely because Daniels is so much better than Magnus in every way it makes my head hurt, but also because Magnus pinned Daniels clean in just 4 minutes, after blocking the BME and hitting the Michinoku Driver for the win.
Kaz is next, and he emerges attached to a frisbee thrown by 1980s Don Muraco. Magnus catches it halfway up the aisle and drags Kazarain into the ring. This match was better than the Daniles one I felt. Well it got one more minute than the Daniels one got, before Magnus makes Kaz tap to the Texas Cloverleaf.
Just the small matter of disposing of one of the best wrestlers on the planet right now eh Magnus? nae problem. Out comes Roode to apparently stare lovingly into Magnus' eyes as Magnus asks the ref "does he fancy me or sumfink?" its all a giant ruse though, as Kaz gets up and delivers some super serious offense on Magnus. Softened up sufficiently for the IT Factor to enter the fray.
Roode works on the legs of Magnus, before locking in a crossface. Just when ot looks like Magnus is about to reach the sweet release of the bottom rope, Roode drags him back to the middle of the ring and locks in a vicious ankle lock, which he then turned into an more grounded anklelock where he bends the leg aswell. Magnus has no choice but to tap out, otherwise Roode was taking that leg home with him and sticking it above his fireplace as a trophy.
Magnus looks on the verge of tears after the match, despite making it 2/3rds of the way through a gauntlet involving 3 of the top wrestlers in TNA.
Sting comes out and tells Magnus it'll all be ok. But Magnus aint havin it! What followed was the first Magnus promo I have ever seen that didn't make me wish harm on myself and others, as he tells Sting that he's sick of being the bridesmaid (that's like Made of Honour in America eh? aye..that) and never the bride. Sting explains to him that he won't get anywhere being a whining big lassie (lassie means girl in Scottish, just for future reference, as I will be using it again...often) He was once in Magnus' shoes and Ric Flair gave him the chance to move up the card. Magnus wants that same chance, and he wants that chance to have that one iconic match to cement his legacy against Sting.
Sting accepts and the match is made for Bound for Glory. Another segment passes that I didn't find mysell hating. Even with the gauntlet match being a slight letdown, the finish and subsequent promo made tons of sense. I can't believe it, but we are now down to just 30% towards breaking point, with half an hour to go and the prospect of Hogan being fired from a cannon straight into the Rocky Mountains. Could we reach 0?
Anytime I start to feel really good about TNA, I'm fully aware its a short promo from Chris Sabin away from all turning to dogshit in an instant. He gets on the mic backstage, and children throw themselves from the roof of the nearest tall building. SAVE YOURSELVES. This was actually not that bad btw. No seriously, it was actually bordering on being pretty funny. I dunno if that was the intention. or he just swallowed on too many sleeping pills and was feeling a wee bit trippy, but he says some funny stuff about having to look out for himself, and then everyone else in the match at BFG, before explaining that he was off to do some Tai Chi and maybe some yoga. Heel Sabin is slightly less cringey than face Sabin, and for him managing to get on the mic and entertain me briefly I'd say that's enough call to move the breakingpointometer to a very manageable 25%.
I'm actually finding myself a wee bit disappointed that I fell asleep during this. Fair enough, I did have a dream about me and Big Daddy V taking the Olsen Twins out on a date, but even that had a bit of a harsh ending when he took them both home.
Roode, Kaz and Daniels having a hilarious bit of post victory celebrating backstage after their win earlier. It starts with them just making noises at each other, before Daniels explains to Roode why he is no longer on the chain, but infact he has been let off the chain. He's off the chain. Kaz and Daniels then break some of the best news in the history of news to Roode, when they tell him that he'll be THE FIRST EVER INDUCTEE TO THE EGO HALL OF FAME. That's right folks, of their 3 man stable, which started about a month ago, they already have a hall of fame. They're just that good. Roode gets so super excited, a solemn tear of joy starts trickling down his face. The ceremony is next week, and the boys wont just be dressed to the nines, according to Kaz they'll be dressing to the TENS and then Daniels called Roode "The Prime Minister of Suave and Debonair" and I just died inside a wee bit. In the best way possible. This was about as much entertainment as any group of men have ever squeezed into 3 minutes of talking and that takes us all the way down to 15 % towards breaking point. Then they slipped in a brief sing song about Roode being off the chain and in the hall of fame and d'you know what? that'll bring us all the way down to 10%. Screw it, Impact is good this week so lets enjoy it and be a bit generous. Its almost Christmas.
Brooke Tessmacher vs Velvet Sky
Or not. Lei'd Tapa comes out and Brooke flees. Tapa destroys Velvet. Something about her I cant get on board with, it could be the fact that she's not very good at wrestling and looks on the verge of a nervous breakdown everytime she comes up the ramp. Either way I didn't really understand the point in this, other than to remind us that Gail Kim and ODB aren't the only knockouts left. Back to 15%
A VT with James Storm and Gunner explaining what brought them together. If you can find me someone who cared about this, you will be rewarded with one shiny gold coin and a heartfelt fistbump.
Kurt Angle VT with some career flashbacks ahead of his hall of fame induction at BFG. Angle is scheduled to appear despite his recent troubles so that's good, he's always been a favourite of mine and I sincerely wish him all the best.
Bully Ray vs Samoa Joe
I expected a lot better from this. It was rushed and the finish was about as unimaginative as you'll see. Ref gets knocked down, Bully wraps a chain around his hand, goes up to the second rope and nails Joe with it. Earl Hebner gets up, realises how it went down and DQs him. Here's my biggest problem with this. Considering the Aces and Eights are now largely defunct, and the fact that they NEVER once even tried to pretend they actually owned motorcycles, where in the name of god did he get the chain? Bully is visibly upset by the decision and decides to ease the pain by piledriving Joe on the concrete but he gets hit with an AJ STYLES OUTTA NOWHERE! as AJ enters through the crowd after being escorted from the premises earlier and helps his old buddy Joe out.
Wasn't overly enamored with any of that segment, but I didn't dislike it enough to move the breakingpointometer back to 20%.
Dixie Carter walks down the aisle, looking like your Aunty at a childs birthday party. I think I'd be attracted to her if she didn't look like everyone's mum ever. Anyway, she tells the crowd she knows they don't agree with her recent decisions. She brings Hogan out, and Hogan tells her he's happy with the watch she gave him. This makes her happy and we're all just one big family. He then speaks of always dreaming about being in a power couple with a beautiful woman like her and I had no idea what was going on. Is that where they were taking this? Hulk and Dixie being a couple? I projectile vomited so hard it broke down my next door neighbours front door. It seems to be headed for them becoming an item, until Hulk was like "naaaaaaaah" and HE QUITS
HE QUIT! HE'S GONE.
IT'S OVER.
Tell everyone you know, its ok to come out now. its safe. The bad man has gone.
With that we reached 0%. Sanity preserved for one week, even if he quit for storyline purposes, its still a welcome boost to all involved. The show itself was good. In terms of things happening which made sense anyway, although it was light on good wrestling. It still gets a solid B+. Long may all this talk of "sense" and TNA together continue.
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