It's late troops. I know. I'd love tae tell ye I'm sorry for the lateness, but I've been a busy bee. Took in a coupla top quality indie shows, and had some gid times wae some gid boayzies.
Now but? its all business baby. No days off.
Vickie Guerrero opens the show. Screeching away as per usual. Gibbering about the Big Shows hoose being up for sale. Del Rio interrupts lookin fuckin raging. He disnae like folk talking wet about the big barra obviously.
Del Rio asks Vickie tae reconsider her decision tae make him defend his belt against Cena at Hell In A Cell. Vickie tells him if he can prove his love tae her by winching her stupit, she'll reconsider.
His first few attempts get cauld shoodurt. First its a nawty wee peck on the cheek, fanny still bone dry after that. Then he gies it a wee peck on the lips. Knicker perspiration still isnae happenin. She urges him tae no do it like the gringos but DO IT LIKE THE MEXICANS so eventually he gies her a proper winch and there wis sick dribbling doon ma chin. She's at the fuckin wind up anyway, sticks big erse oot and urges him tae kiss that instead. Gied it a wee shake anaw.
I actually quite liked this daft shit. Vickie wis funny, and seems proud of the extra beef on her lower hauf these days. Gid on ye hen.
Damien Sandow comes oot and warns her aff Del Rio. Say's hes a charlatan. Damien loves Vickie for her beautiful big brain.
Del Rio goes after Sandow but Damo gets the better of him. Tries to scud him wae the case but ADR scurries away. Ignoring Damiens pkeas to "come back! please come back!" he heads up the road for poker and undercooked hot dogs wae Drew McIntyre and Wade Barrett.
Curtis Axel vs R-Truth (IC Belt Match)
R-Truth got a fuckin decent pop btw. Like its fuckin 2009 or suhin. Its difficult for me tae fully gt tae grips with how little I gave a fuck about this. The IC belt is such an irrelevant spunkrag roon this cunts waist. Boring as fuck. Axel can wrestle though. I feel like I'm mibbe a bit harsh on him these days, but I also don't gie a fuck, so there's that. Axel hits the jaunty neckbreaker finisher hing and we aw get tae block this shite oot forever.
Los Matadores vs Ricardo Rodriguez and Tyson Kidd
I know eh, bit of a random team tae put shite Tito Santana x2 up against? Here's the thing but, WE PUT THEM IN MASKS AND CALLED THEM EL LOCALES! haha cause its 1995.
Sorry, I just don't give a flying fuck. Maybe there isnae enough fun in my heart tae enjoy Los Matadores, or mibbe I'm fuckin bored stupid wae seeing the same thing 5 times in a row. I dunno meht. I really cannae tell ye. Shite double team finisher for the win, and the wee bull 'rana'd Tyson Kidd.
Disnae matter how many times ye say it JBL. I do not fear the bull. I will not fear the bull.
Natalya, Kaitlyn and her wae the herpes vs Brie Bella, Cameron and Naomi
Fuckin dire half crab fae Brie early on. Then Eva Marie got in and my soul wept. She isnae good and her gear looks like a burst bin liner. Lovely as anything tae see Kaitlyn but. She does some nice things and then SPEAR on Naomi. It descended intae a stramash, wae Naomi and Kaitlyn rolling aboot sloppily for a bit, before Naomi got the pin. Messy as fuck.
Bert Del Rio vs Damo Sandow
Del Rio bootin cunts. Chinlockin cunts. Heidbuttin cunts. Sandow hiptossin cunts. Del Rio decides he's no intae bein hiptossed and grabs his belt tae head for home. Sandow clotheslines him. Whips him intae the ring. Back in the ring Del Rio takes over, wae some belly superkickin and missile dropkicking. Mare chinlock madness. WWE has gone loopy for a chinlock. Sandow dumps Del Rio oot the ring fae a grand height, but he disnae want tae win by countout cause its not gentlemanly, so he drags him back in and elbow drops him in the fuckin heart. Snap suplex anaw. Before Sandow goes sperr, and starts chokin Del Rio on the ropes. Del Rio scuds the back of his heid. Sandow heidbutts Del Rio, but then goes shoulder first intae the ringpost. Sandow once again sends Del Rio flyin, this time wae a clothesline over the ropes. Sandow tries tae whip Del Rio intae the steps but Del Rio blocks it n just superkicks his daft melt instead. Here this is some match btw.
Some braw clotheslines, n a sexy scoop slam were followed by the elbow of disdain. Del Rio isnae oot the game but, hits another superkick oot the corner. Then an armbreaker, but Sandow blocks the cross armbreaker and hits a mental counter. Del Rio comes back wae the backstabber, but that's just a 2 count. Swinging neckbreaker fae Sandow.Del Rio tries tae bolt again but Sandow thumps him. Del Rio sees an opening and takes advantage, gets intae Sandows bad knee then makes Sandow tap tae the cross armbreaker.
Del Rio's on fire the noo. I really like him whilst he also bores me. Its a strange thing.
Prime Time Players n Great Khali vs 3MB
Khali likes the gym. They try n dae the millions'ah dollas thing wae Khali, but he stauns aw err them. Instead he batters Jinder Mahal wae his big shovel hauns. Slaps his chest tae fuck. Darren Young gets in and Northern Lights Suplexes cunts tae buggery. Him n Drew mix it up, and Drew hits a beautiful kick, the Heath and Drew done that braw suplex spot where they springboard the cunt aff the top rope. Heath Slater hits a beezer of a neckbreaker. Drew gets chucked err the ropes and gets proper angry aboot it, so Darren Young shoulder blocked him and that wis that. Khali got the pin wae a big chop tae the napper on Slater, and for a brief moment nuhin in the world made sense.
Rhodes Boayzies vs Luke Harper and Erick Rowan
Aye gid. Highlight of a fairly average Smackdown anyway mate. Hard hitting, braw wrasslin, tagtastic match. Wee bitta Bray Wyatt saying words before it. Beautiful.
Harper and Goldust mix it up first, afore Rowan gets in there and him and Goldy huv a wee weirdness staredoon. Goldust wins obviously, so Rowan gets raging and batters Cody after Goldust tags him in. Goldust back in there wae Harper. Atomic drops him tae buggery, before hitting a million jabs in the corner. The Wyatt boys get back on top though, and both of them scud Goldys jaw with aplomb. Coupla big lumps so they urr. Goldust hits back wae a timely DDT. Rowan gets him in a fuckin sare barehug, and then I remembered Cody wis in the match anaw. Goldust hits an albow aff the middle rope so that wis gid, but he still cannae get Cody in. Rowan rubs Goldys paint aff his face, then rubs it on his ain face cause he's a big knicker sniffer. Goldust finally gets the tag after about an hour. Cody hits a missile dropkick, then a high knee. Yon drap doop and jab move wis next, followed by the Disaster Kick. Harper rushes at Cody, but he dodges him and Harper goes fleein. Cody hits a corssbody on Rowan, afore Harper lays him oot. He then lariats Goldy oot his boots, afore lookin tae finish the job on Cody, only fur Cody tae roll him up fur the win. Yasssss! The Rhodzies inflict the first loss on Harper and Rowan since they moved tae the main roster. I see good hings in the future for these brerrs.
Overall, a fairly average Smackdoon meht. Del Rio match wis gid. Main event wis gid. Vickie wis funny. That's aboot it. Nae Cesaro, Ziggler, Bryan or Punk so it could get tae fuck really. 5.90 STFs oota 10.
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