WWE Hell In A Cell Preview

Hell In A Cell wis a total shiter last year. Seriously if ye think Battleground n Night Of Champions wur shite, go back and watch last years HIAC and then huv a wee word wae yersell. That's the true definition of shite. I sincerely hope this years effort will erase that memory, and the bulk of the card seems solid enough but why in the name of fuckin Christ does CM Punk need tae try n carry Rywank through another Hell In A Cell match? whit has the poor cunt done tae deserve such punishment?

Curtis Axel vs Big E Langston (IC Title Match)

Sneaky cunts so they urr. I hudnae watched one preshow match up until Summerslam and now im hooked on the bastards! They ay put a match on the preshow that im intae these days, and this might be the one I've been intae the most cause Big E is finally gonnae end this monotonous shiter of an IC Title run that Axel has inflicted upon the world. Mr Perfect must have adopted you or suhin man, or yees used a sperm donor or suhin. Nae way theres Hennig blood runnin through your average veins. Big E will take the belt, and wear it tied under his ample bosom. Cause he's the fuckin Da, and he can dae whit he likes.

The Shield vs Cody and Goldy vs The Usos

Aye so. I forgot this the first time. It'll happen and it'll be gid. That's aw ye need tae know ma man. I fancy the Rhodes lads tae retain, but I'd be equally satisfied wae The Usos taking the belts. They've worked hard and they're Rikishis boays. We aw liked Rikishi eh? I did anyway.

Los Matadores vs The Real Americans

Its braw that Cesaro has been involved in two PPVs in a row noo like, but at the same time, I couldnae gie a fuck about this. Unless Cesaro spins the baith of them till they become Primo n Epico again, its no for me. I suspect yer Matadors will go over anaw, and the wee bull will prolly hurricanrana Zeb. Hope no but. If all is correct wae the world, The Real Americans will squash these diddies.

AJ Lee vs Brie Bella (Divas Title Match)

Strongly suspect the decent Bella is taking the belt here. They musta shelved that potentially braw AJ vs Natalya feud for a reason eh? Unless it leads tae Bryan getting the WWE Belt and them being a wee power couple type thing, it can get tae fuck. Ye might be the better Bella, but you are still decidedly shite. Couldnae sell a bottle ah Pulse tae a jakey.

Alberto Del Rio vs Jannn Seeeeeeenah (WH Title Match)

Any other champion I'd be against this match even happening, but since its Del Rio I'll make an exception if it means he comes up aff that fuckin belt. Honestly, does anyone regard him a worthy champion? he's a gid heel and at times an excellent wrestler but unless he's stickin the nut in Ricardo Rodriguez I don't gie a fuck. Rotten champion. They shoulda put the belt back on Ziggler at Summerslam. So aye, I hope Cena takes it here, and drops it quickly tae a cunt that matters. Dolph, Cesaro, Ambrose or Sandow. Take yer pick.
That's no tae say I'm no happy about Cena being back like, I've missed him hunners and millions, but theres nae way he should be coming back from an injury tae take one of the main belts right away. Unless that belt is held by Del Rio.

CM Punk vs Ryback and Paul Heyman (Hell In A Cell Match)

Punk and Ryback work horrendous matches together. Its the only time I've ever found Punk difficult tae watch, when he needs tae throw this numpty aboot and make him look passable. Their match in the Cell last year wis laughable tbh and I cannae see this being any better. I expect some interesting moments between Heyman and Punk but unless theres a huge swerve in there, I cannae see this being uptae much.

Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton for the vacant WWE Title (HBK Special Ref)

This has run its course noo eh? I mean its been braw, but its time is up. People cannae fuckin stand Ortons daft coupon any longer. End it now. End the Triple H promos, and the best for business patter. Nip it in the bud. Bryan wins the belt clean as fuck. Nae daft swerve. Nae Big Show pullin the door aff the Cell, then greetin cause of a previously undetected finger skelf. None of that patter.  Bryan takes the belt clean. Holds it tae Mania, and when CM Punk takes advantage of his title shot via his Royal Rumble win tae win the gold. Simple as that.

I expect decent hings fae yer HIAC, but unless Punk somehow drags a decent match oota Ryback, it wont be perfect. As long as Big E n Bryan stoat hame wae a belt each I'll be content enough.

Mind if yer up early on Monday morning, don't partake in any alcoholic beverages during HIAC. or if ye dae, make it suhin shite like Apple Sourz or suhin.

God speed.