WWE Summerslam Preview

If I have to play the numbers game here, I'd say I was 4 parts overwhelmingly excited, 2 parts filled with dread and 1 parts slightly bemused by the card for this years Summerslam. In the following paragraphs I shall tell you why. Although I have no explanation as to why my emotions are split into just 7 parts. Feels like there should be more.

Potential Match

Mark Henry and Big Show vs Rollins and Reigns (Tag Title Match)

If this happens, it feels like they just want force two of their most respected veterans on the card somehow. Makes no sense otherwise. The Usos and The Real Americans have been jockeying for that number one contenders spot, so get one of or both of those teams in there instead. In fact why not have all  teams involved in one of those horrendously overbooked fatal 4 way tag title matches you often see at the high profile PPVs. Those ones where no one ends up looking good, and most viewers use the time to split a kitkat and talk about what happened on Breaking Bad. Off on a tangent there(that will likely be a recurring theme here) so I suppose I should give a prediction. If the match happens as rumored, Rollins and Reigns will win hold on to the belts after being DQ'd, and then drop the tag belts to the Usos within 2 weeks.

Pre-Show

Dean Ambrose vs Rob Van Dam (US Title Match)

Dean Ambrose singles matches give me a warm, funny feeling in my undergarments. A Dean Ambrose singles match against a ridiculously on form RVD evokes enough excitement for me to set the world alight with the warm glow radiating from my crotch. I am yet to watch any of these pre-show matches, because I resent being made to solicit a link for something which should be on a show I just paid 15 bucks for, but I will make an exception here. If I don't get too caught up playing XBOX/watching old That 70s Show episodes before the show. I have a feeling RVD will do the right thing and put Ambrose over clean. A deed which will probably be rewarded with a WH title run in the near future.

Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn vs Big E Langston and AJ

Travesty. Its a travesty I tell you. Dolph Ziggler has been the most consistent in-ring performer over the past 2 years. Only Daniel Bryan comes close for me, in terms of never serving up a bad match (Punk is unfortunately excluded from the equation because his matches with Ryback, and The Rock at the Royal Rumble were stinkers imo) so what are his rewards? a frustratingly short WH title run after the greatest MITB cash-in of all time, and being stuck in tag matches the middle of the card on the two main PPVs of the year. As far as I'm concerned, the WH title match should be Dolph vs Big E. Its a feud which has real heat, and two of the guys who will carry this company in the future. So yeah, I struggle to muster up the ability to care much about this match, unless Kaitlyn hits a spear at some point, because that's always pleasing on the eyes. Dolph and Kaitlyn will most likely win, but Dolphs attempts to cement his place as a top talent in the company will maybe always be futile, and this saddens me. 

Natalya vs Brie Bella

Antonio Cesaro isn't on this card. Wade Barrett isn't on this card. Drew Mcintyre isn't on this card. Val Venis? yeah you guessed it, also not on this card. This shameless plug for the assuredly awful Total Divas reality show is though. Don't get me wrong, I love Natalya and seeing her on such an important card is heartening, but at the same time, this can kindly go away. The Bellas are perhaps the worst divas of all time, and the fact that one of them is currently occupying some of Daniel Bryans valuable time is one of lifes great injustices. Natalya will win, and if she doesen't I'm boycotting WWE (until RAW)

Cody Rhodes vs Damien Sandow

It's not too late WWE. You still have this weeks Smackdown to turn this match into a ladder match for the briefcase(I know Smackdown is taped on Tuesdays btw, but I don't read spoilers). I just cant understand why that isn't the case. with the dubious circumstances regarding Sandow winning it, and the fact that Cody had possession of it for a while. Why not have him offer Sandow the opportunity to WIN it back at Summserslam. Listen though, I love both of these guys and the fact that they have a match of some significance of such an important card is great. I can see this being a potential show stealer is its done right. I may be biased as a ladder enthusiast, but for me the "right" way to do it would be in a ladder match. Or at the very least lets tie something to a pole, and have them both go for that. Maybe get the European title out of storage and throw that into the mix. Anyway, my prediction is a Cody Rhodes win, with Sandow winning their return match at the next PPV.

Bray Wyatt vs Kane (Ring Of Fire Match)

This is as excited as I've been about a Kane singles match since....well ever. At least since his first match with Taker at WM. The almost unbelievable thing about Bray is that whilst he has made his mark by cutting some of the most unmissable promos in decades, he is yet to make is in-ring debut on the main roster, and those who don't watch NXT might not know how good he is as a wrestler. For a man his size he is one of the most engaging performers in the company at the moment, making the fact that Bo Dallas came from the same nutsack one of the most confusing things in the history of time. I have a theory, that Mike Rotunda has one teste which produces geniuses, and the other one produces horrendous Rocky Maivia impersonators. Its the only logical explanation for this. Also, I believe Bray will win, after Harper and Rowan step through the "ring of fire" which surrounds the perimeter of the ring, to help him. After he wins, Kane finally follows the Buzzards. And the stable is complete.

Christian vs Alberto Del Rio (WH Title Match)

Such a pointless match. Its mid card filler but it has the second most significant belt in the company on the line. Why? Why not build some genuine heat between the two, instead of having them wrestle each other at least 3 times on TV recently, and having most matches end cleanly. Daft booking here. I anticipate a great match, but by the time it happens over here, it'll be at least 3am and I can fully see myself being bored to sleep and spendng the rest of the show muttering semi offensive slurs about Rybacks ample man chesticles. Del Rio will win, because as much as I love Christian, in terms of character development, he would be the most nondescript WH Champion in history. Even Swagger had more heat during his run.

CM Punk vs Brock Lesnar

I really must destroy a case of Red Bull as soon as the ADR v Christian match starts, because the last two matches on the card have been built up beautifully. If I miss them because I've been roofied by the pointlessness of the WH Title match, I'll be pissed off. Lesnars whole demeanor when he first attacked Punk 6 weeks ago sold me on this match right away. Compare it to the look on his face throughout the Triple H feud. He phoned that whole year in. Didn't give a damn about any of it. Now he has a bonafide superstar in front of him, with the added Paul Heyman angle? Brock is finally earning that fat paycheck he gets for his part-time work. Punk finally got the upper hand of one of their physical exchanges when he hit Brock (and Curtis Axel) with a GTS on this weeks RAW, so for me that sets him up just nicely for the win. I see Punk winning, with perhaps a heel turn in the process as Heyman gets involved to help him get the win. There will also most definitely be some hilarious Heyman antics on the outside, probably him urging Punk to tap whilst Brock has him in a chinlock or something. If he doesn't utter the words "JUST GIVE UP!" at least once, my faith in wrestling is lost.

Daniel Bryan vs John Cena (WWE Title Match)

I've never been so filled with excitement, and also dread at a match since Taker vs HBK at WM26. As much as it feels like the right time for Bryan to take the belt, there are so many elements which may put a dampener on it if he does win, and one element in particular which may even see that he isn't the man walking out of Summerslam with that horribly ugly belt around his waist (I maintain that they should be cleaning and polishing the smoking skull belt right now, as its the only one worthy of Bryans greatness) The Vince McMahon element in particular is a worry. I could see him either helping Bryan win, and thus turning Bryan heel/corporate, or him costing Bryan the belt, and Cena turning heel/corporate (which I actually wouldn't mind, but if it costs Bryan the belt, I'm not interested) The other potentially upsetting outcome is that DBry and Cena go for 30-40 minutes, have a scintillating match which ends with Bryan winning the belt clean, and then Orton cashes in. As much as I've enjoyed a lot of Ortons work recently, if he walks out of Summerslam as WWE Champion, I will be collecting the floods of tears I'll undoubtedly cry, in a bucket, and I will use that bucket to drown Randy the next time WWE come over to Scotland. That's a promise. My prediction, perhaps in hope rather than expectation is that Bryan wins clean and holds the belt forever/until Punk beats him for it at WM30.

Overall I am genuinely looking forward to this show. Natalya vs Brie aside there is no match that I don't want to see, although if I had it my way the WH title match would be a 90 minute iron man match between Ziggler and Cesaro, and the show would be extended to at least 4 hours.

Enjoy your Summerslam experience people. Mine will between the hours of 1 and 4 in the morning, and my friend may be coming to watch it with some beer, and perhaps other intoxicants, so it may get a bit silly in the Smith household.