Double whammy of shiteness to kick of this weeks Smackdown. A show I've been heartily enjoying over the past few weeks. First up we get introduced to Alberto Del Shite Promo, and he's out to do an even worse impression of Cenas attempts to chose his opponent for Summerslam. Blah Blah, something aboot the fans no caring. Oh and his opponent will be....RICARDO RODRIGUEZ! nut, will it fuck, Vickies having none of that, and instead announces a triple threat match between Christian, Randall Orton and and RVD. The winner of that would face ADR instead. Ye fucked it Alberto meht, coulda chose anyone even hauf decent. Prolly widda got away wae Primo, or R-Truth, but yer ain ring announcer? currently suspended anaw? behave! The one thing I took from aw this shite, was that there is to be nae Dolph Ziggler involvement in the WH Title match at Summerslam, and that can take itself tae fuck. Oh and the other shite thing was fuckin Alex Riley on commentary. His anecdotes throughout the evening were aw belters, I can assure ye. Compared Big E Langston to some American footballer at one point and I'm sittin lit that "ha ha...spot on meht...totally good analogy there A-Ri...yer some boay!"
Cody Rhodes vs Jack Swagger
This was pretty fuckin good for aw the time it got. Swagger is gettin his baws retrospectively toed for his wee misdemeanor before mania, and wid probably get booked to lose tae Heath Slater at this point. Aw he can dae really is give decent matches when asked. He often fails at this cause he's the living embodiment of boring, but last night was a rare exception. Mibbe thats just down to how good Cody is these days right enough, but anyway. It was short, and Cody won wae the Sunset Flip rollup. Cody backstage, poppin champagne wae Josh Matthews, before big Damien Sandow pans his melt in for him. Love this feud so I dae. Get them in that ring, wae that briefcase suspended above it and chuck about a million ladders in there. Dae it.
Big E Langston vs Sin Cara
Another short one, but not a squasher either. Sin Cara had some decent moments, but ultimately his job was to make Big E look strong, and that's how it wound up. He fights out of the big ending once, before Big E catches him again and delivers the Big Ending for the win.
Kaitlyn interview backstage. Ye can feel the Layla heel turn coming from a mile away, cause aw they've done with her as a face is dressed her as a hooker and made her Kaitlyns valet. We'll see if it pans oot later when Kaitlyn goes for the Divas title eh (spoiler alert...it pans oot, she totally turns heel)
CM Punk vs Fandango
Yass. By far the highlight of the night for me. I hoped they'd get a decent amount of time and they did (at least 10-12 mins) and I hoped Fandango widnae dae the shitebag routine and bolt and he didnae. Johnny Curtis can fuckin go. There is nae doubt about that. If you put him in the position to have good wrestling matches, shite gimmick or no, he will provide good wrestling matches. I wouldn't be surprised if Punk pushed for this match, because Jericho seen enough in Curtis to put him over at Mania, and Punk is cut from the same cloth. Enjoyable match, which Punk won with the Anaconda Vice after a superplex.
AJ vs Kailtyn (Divas Title)
So will she or wont she eh? Is Layla oot there for moral support, or tae be a wee cow? Och I've already revealed it eh. Shite. Listen, forget I said that earlier. Lets suspend disbelief together anyway right? that sound wae you? aces. So the match rolls along, usual entertaining stuff from these two. Kaitlyn begins to get the upper hand, and has AJ propped up on the barrier on the outside, ready to dae that dick hardening spear right through it BUT WAIT! out of nowhere her pal Layla stands in front of AJ and prevents Kaitlyn from doing it, and Kaitlyn is lit that "ye daein dafty?" and Layla is aw "turnin heel ya boot, whit diz it look like?" Dazed and confused, they make their way back intae the ring where AJ locks in that fuckin awful black widow submission thing and retains. Before skipping away wae Layla. Another pal of Kaitlyn abandoned her. It makes me hert sick so it does. I'll be yer pal hen. Mere n gies a cuddle.
Christian vs Randy Orton vs RVD
Despite the lack of Ziggler, this was always going to be braw. Aw three of these guys are at the top of their game right now, and triple threat matches are rarely shite when that's the case. Orton particularly looks sharp as fuck, and catches the eye when he reversed rolling thunder intae a beezer of a powerslam. Would be odd if had the RAW MITB briefacase and the WH belt, but it could lead to an interesting Title vs Title match. Maybe at Survivor Series. Ach I'm away aff on a tangent again, cause Christian went over didnt he? i knew that afore I even started writing about the whole Orton theory anaw. Whit uhm a like ataw? Aye. Orton looks like he's ready to put RVD away, only for Christian to pin him with a sneaky wee backslide. Earning him a shot at the belt. Both Orton and RVD shake his hand and it aw seems to be ending quite nicely beofre POW! ADR caves his Canaidan skull in. The night ends wae the World Champion looking strong. I swear tae fuck, if he still has that belt when we welcome 2014 in, I'm taking matters intae my ain hands.
Overall, a pretty shite Smackdown compared to recent weeks. Punk and the Main Event were highlights, but the rest wisnae great. Nae Ziggler(aside fae seeing him backstage), Shield, Cesaro or Bryan either. I give it a somewhat harsh 5.5 Death Valley Drivers outta 10.
Remember, if its on top of yer pals garage, roon the side of the chippy or up the high flats trying tae cadge a score aff yer Granda. Stay safe. Dont try this.
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