I'm a truthful guy. I won't lie to you and say I understand why TNA are taping shows and selling them as PPVs. I don't know if its a cost thing, or they think nostalgia sells by bringing back random old guys, but it baffles me. It would be like WWE re-doing old In Your House PPVs and charging 15 bucks to see it. I really don't need to see Kevin Nash and Bret Hart work that awful cage match again, and I especially don't need to see Duke The Dumpster Drosse get squashed by Triple H. I'm sorry, but no sale.
Even if you are going to tape shows and sell them as PPVs, why not just have great matches between members of the current roster, with no belts changing hands? surely that would serve to promote the weekly show more effectively, and the few actual PPVs TNA are still running; but hey..who am I to tell Dixie Carter how to run her company? I mean she has decades of experience in the field and really knows her stuff. That's why a guy with a broken neck recently got released, and Jay Bradley works matches on Impact while guys like Alex Shelley and Mark Haskins work the indies.
Sonjay Dutt vs Petey Williams vs Kenny King
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all? Sonjay Dutt and Petey Williams are two of my favourites, and they didn't disappoint. It was the usual fast paced affair you'd expect from these three, but unlike their match on Impact a few weeks ago where Sonjay stood out; It was Petey who was at his best here, in particular when he hit a stunning Hurricanrana after launching himself from the ring, to Kenny King on the outside. Kenny isn't my favourite worker. he isn't terrible but in a match like this, he drags the pace down. For example, we have a break in the fast paced highly technical action, so he can get Sonjay in a pointless chinlock. Just a waste of time. Dutt then kicks into high gear and starts doing that amazing thing where his body looks like its made of elastic. A barrage of high flying offense on Petey, ends with a springboard splash, but Petey kicks out at 2. Sonjay and Petey exchange near falls, before Kenny King awakes from his slumber and hits the Royal Flush on Petey for the win. A bit of a disappointing outcome as Petey and Sonjay both killed it, but it was a solid opener.
We are then played a video clip of an epic NWA Title match between Jeff Jarrett and Raven. Back in those heady days where TNA made sense more than half the time. It brought a tear to my eye.
Gail Kim vs Velvet Sky
This was fine. I don't know if it was taped before their Slammiversary match, but that's still a tough one to live up to regardless. It was a lot shorter than that match and ultimately not very eventful. Sky wins with the 'in yo face' which is an atrocious name for a wrestling move. I cringed so hard when Mike Tenay called it, both of my ears fell off and dissipated into puffs of yellow smoke.
Johnny Devine vs Shark Boy vs Matt Morgan vs Ken Anderson vs Joseph Park vsSome Other Guys (Gauntlet Match)
I don't understand gauntlet matches. Never seen one I'd have considered worth my time and this was no different. Just a complete mess involving current stars and old ones, and what was the prize for winning it? the sense of achievement? Maybe its the hangover talking, but this was not for me. Shark Boy is always a laugh though. I enjoy his gimmick. He didn't win which was a shame. Matt Morgan did though, by last eliminating Joseph Park after getting the pin following the Carbon Footprint. That was that. The whole process fried my tiny brain a little bit, but I'll be ok. I'll go make a sandwich, splash some cold water on my face and we'll press on.
Hilarious Bad Influence promo. Christopher Daniels calling Jeremy Borash "Jerome" is always funny. I don't really know why, but it is.
Team 3D vs LAX vs Bad Influence
Undoubtedly the best triple threat tag match on the card. I found the early exchanges between Homicide and Kaz particularly entertaining, but Homicide then went and done a stupid thing and tagged Hernandez in. I find him more palatable as part of LAX than as a singles wrestler, but he is still almost laughably bad. A turgid worker. He isn't in there for long though, as Daniels and Homicide both get tagged in. At this point The Dudleyz start playing eye spy on the apron, resigned to their status as benchwarmers for this match. D-Von spots something beginning with "T" Bubba guesses "Terry Funk" right away. D-Von decides he isn't taking the game seriously enough, so he maneuvers to get himself tagged in. His opportunity arrives when an atomic drop from Homicide on Daniels, sends Daniels spinning towards the Dudleyz corner, and here comes D-Von! A right hand to Homicide! A right hand to Super Mex! a right hand for Kaz! D-Von might not be Jon Favraeu, but he sure came out swinging. Eventually the match just descends into a brawl, with everyone in there. A stramash you might call it. The ring clears out and Homicide and Daniels are the legal men, probably.
As Homicide has Daniels set up on the top rope, D-Von tags himself in, so Homicide cant get the pin on Daniels. D-Von enters, so does Bully and one 3D later we have our winners. Team 3Dudley Boyz.
An Austin Aries promo. He tries to build this match with Jeff Hardy. Bless him for it, but his words didn't convince me. Don't get me wrong, I thought this would be a great match, but I couldn't care less about it as a feud.
Austin Aries vs Jeff Hardy
The match begins with Aries imitating Jeff Hardys usual routine of gesturing to throw his shirt into the crowd, before throwing the shirt in Jeffs face. Hardy then does it for real to a bit of a dishearteningly loud pop. I can't tell you I like present day Jeff Hardy. I'd love to be able to, but I can't because I just don't think he gives a shit. Aries plays to the crowd throughout, and as he's on the ropes looking for the frog splash, he again imitates Jeff, this time doing the hip thrusting thing Jeff does. When he eventually does come down for the splash, Jeff gets the knees up though. Aries tried his hardest to make a decent match out of this, but I just wasn't into it. Especially the finish, which was Jeff winning with a small package. I get why that kind of finish is used from time to time, but in a match between two of the better high flyers in wrestling? I didn't get it. I felt like maybe either one of them stealing the others top rope finisher (Swanton for Jeff, 450 for aries) would have been a better finish, but enough of the armchair booking. The match was ok, but to this point nothing had topped the exchanges between Sonjay Dutt and Petey Williams in the opener.
James Storm vs Bobby Roode
Matches between these two are always intense. Former tag partners, turned sworn enemies. The VT beforehand actually builds the match up well. I believe there's real bad blood between these two and I was excited for the match, but I'm disappointed to say it didn't live up. Maybe I expect too much, having recently seen a the fantastic emotionally charged hardcore match between the two at BFG last year. This match was just a bit plain in comparison, but still very engaging. Roode has a period of dominance, before Storm rallies and hits the backstabber, before going for the codebreaker only for Roode to hang on to the ropes. He then covers Storm and puts his feet on the ropes, for a cheeky 1...2...3. Probably just topped the opener for match of the night, the last 5 minutes in particular were great.
Samoa Joe vs Kurt Angle
I recently watched a stack of old TNA matches, and the matches between these two were some of my favourites. Before the match Joe cuts a promo on how he has never knocked Angle out, and plans to rectify this. I was troubled to see only 12 minutes of run-time left when this match got going. Maybe its due to Angle being a bit more "mature" these days, but this could easily have gone 25 minutes. Anyway, the match was great. Shorter than I'd have liked, and less eventful that their previous encounters but still comfortably the match of the night. Angle hits the Angle Slam but Joe kicks out at 2. This is why this whole taped PPV thing is odd though, these guys are in a stable together now and have been for 3 weeks, so why would they be wrestling each other? The whole thing just boggles my mind man. But listen, Joe has Angle in a sleeper, only for Angle to drag him to the corner and break free and hit a second Angle Slam for the win. A very entertaining match is brought to an end, and so is the card.
I hoped you enjoyed this hungover review more than I enjoyed fighting a dangerously short attention span to actually watch the event. I give it 6 tiger bombs out of 10.
Remember, if its at home, at school or even in the middle of Burger King when you see The Miz waiting in line and cant help but to get him in an armbar. Stay safe. Don't try this.
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