ICW 100% Shenanigans Preview/Predictions

Feels like a fuckin lifetime since we were last at The Garage for some ICW, so its only fitting that we end ICWs most successful year in the place where some of its maist important moments occurred. This is the place where Red Lightnings almost year long title reign wis brought to an end by Mikey Whiplash, this is the place Grado finally performed a successful F5, this is the place where Jack Jester launched Crazy Mary Dobson aff a balcony ontae a baying mob of sweaty punters, this is the place where Wolfgang picked up n flung Solar so far that he found himself performing botched acrobatics in the Cathouse, this is the place where Joe Coffey cemented his place as the scariest cunt tae ever breathe air, this is the place where Jamie Feerick wis lanched ootae the Square Go 3 times despite never entering it, and perhaps most importantly this is the place where Chris Renfrew opened a whole new chapter in his ICW career by scuddin Mark Dallas over the napper wae a kendo stick tae re-form the NAK and turn intae a diabolical heel. Also, sometimes cunts wrestle here.

This years December event is called 100% Shenanigans, which is handy cause being involved in/overhearing conversations involving folk confused aboot whit "Santa Gravy" means (it means Santas bawjuice btw, im lit 60-70% certain of that) wis getting auld. The card looks a beezer so I'll get tae previewing it eh? Sound. Make sure ye get yersells gid and comfy, cause I might ramble oan a bit here. Yer fluids replenished aye? don't need the toilet or anything? gid. We shall proceed wae reckless abandon..

Nikki Storm and Carmel vs The Owens Twins (Kay Lee Ray special guest ref)

Nikki Storm and Carmel teaming is a fuckin wet dream tae me man, my two favourite lassies in the business right now, and I don't mean just the Scottish scene either. No seen Nikki in action since the last FF show, so I cannae wait tae see if her trip tae America has actually managed to improve her already braw skillset. When it comes tae Carmel, ye ken fine well how I feel about that lassie, disnae even need discussed again. Promos, wrasslin, lookin like she wants tae spit in yer eye and call ye a "fucking disgrace of a human" she's got it aw. Hope this match gets plenty of time anaw, cause despite them being around ICW for the best part of a year, I definitely huvnae seen enough of the Owens twins in the ring. From what I've seen they're a coupla talented burds, and Kasey is just back fae working over in Japan, so I'm intrigued tae see what this yin produces wrasslin wise. Kay Lee special guest reffin anaw, so I expect some shenanigans between her and Carmel. This whole situation is jist gonnae be a team of braw lassies causin it. I fancy Kay Lee and Carmel tae get intae some kinda ruckus, and The Owens Twins tae get the win aff the distraction.

Joe Coffey vs James Scott

I mind previewing the last show and saying that if these two tore the hoose doon as expected it wid hopefully lead tae more matches between them. Well they went n delivered and now here we have this saliva inducing excellence tae enjoy once again. I'd be content if they worked the same match as Fear and Lothian exactly tbh, but ye know fine well they're gonnae produce a match that's eye wateringly gid in its ain right. Joe has been getting face reactions for a few months now, and it felt like The Coffeys were teasing a wee face turn, but I reckon this show will be when Joe reminds us aw that he's the scariest cunt in ICW, and probably planet earth. I expect these two tae treat us tae a belter, most likely match of the night, Joe tae win clean again, then instead of the handshake at the end, Joe batters in a Boston Crab. Nae mercy.

The NAK vs The Bucky Boys

I dunno whit the score is here. Wae Renfrew and Divers using Davey Boy's penchant fur getting bawdeep in wee durties against him, and taking him oot the game, I assume we'll get a wee mystery partner fur Stevie here. Maybe the return of an auld favourite? Who widnae love tae see Johnny Moss or Drew Macdonald as a Bucky? Or mibbe we'll see Kenneth complete his face turn and team up wae Stevie tae form the highest flyinest, skinniest tag team since The Rockers. Who knows eh. Some kinda match will happen here but, that's fur true, and I cannae see any outcome but The NAK retaining whits left of they belts. NAK vs Sumerian Death Squad has tae happen, and it has tae be as beautiful as I imagine it in my heid.

An Evening With Joe Hendry

Its no even real how hard Joe is gonnae get his baws toed aff big Damian O'Connor here. The big yin is gonnae fling him aboot lit dirty washin. I could see a few folk popping up in this segment actually, all with the explicit desire tae knock Joes pan in. Joe is my main man n that, don't get me wrang, but in terms of crowd reaction he's gonnae get the Jackie Polo treatment for a while, then all of a sudden everycunt will realise he's actually fuckin good at whit he does. Because he really is. A talented boay. He's just a talented boay that might no make it outta The Garage alive, but listen, better men than him have perished in there, so there's nae shame if ye don't make it Joe son. Nae shame ataw.

BT Gunn vs Wolfgang

So much fuckin YASS! here. This will be a stoater of course, but if I don't see big Wolfy seductively peel they straps doon and engage in a chop war wae BT, then its been a wasted day. I might actually rip ma ticket up, chuck it in the air a storm oot if we don't see some chops. BT Gunn is the best at chops in professional wrestling btw. Don't believe me? I asked Kenta Kobashi whit he thought of it, n he wis jist lit "BT Gunn" and he walked away fae me. Nae more words needed spoken. I fancy BT tae go over here thanks tae some NAK tomfoolery, but its another MOTN candidate so it is. Gid chance for both tae get thersells intae the title picture anaw.

Mark Coffey vs Liam Thomson (Zero-G Title Match)

So after teasing a split for months, afore turning heel outta nowhere, yer Fight Club have decided tae come for aw the singles belts. On the off chance ye wurnae aware, both are accomplished singles wrestlers, with Kid Fite currently holding the BCW Heavyweight Title, and Liam Thomson holding the PBW belt. Thomson for me is a marginally better wrestler than Kid Fite, so I'm dying tae see how he fares in this yin. He's had plenty of singles matches in ICW before, but that wis before my time unfortunately, so the only singles match I've seen him in live wis at Kelvin Brawl. Mark has looked so strong lately, wae clean wins over Whippy, Solar and Noam Dar so I cannae see him droppin the belt here. Wid be interesting but, cause I think most folk assume Jester will retain anaw, but Thomson winning this would throw that intae doubt. Is this the show where Fight Club come outta naewhere tae take ownership of aw the belts? we'll see. Fight Club vs The Coffeys at Terminator 2 was one of my favourite tag matches in recent memory, so one thing yer guaranteed here is an entertaining wrasslin match, if yer intae that sorta thing. Still reckon Mark will retain though.

Grado vs Mikey Whiplash

Stories mate. Aw the stories. These two do magical things together in that ring, and their match for the ICW Title at Terminator 2 was a top 5 match for me all time. For the storytelling. It wis their best wrestling match together anaw, but by Christ, the story they told us wis something else and the atmosphere in the place with fuckin electric. Palpable so it wis. Once we got past the opening 5 minutes which was hilarious in its own right, we got a stauner inducing beauty of a match. I might be gibbering on a wee bit here, but I wis captivated by it n im wantin those of you reading this who maybe huvnae seen it tae feel whit I felt. Ye feelin it? its gid eh? aw tingly n that.
Whippy is on a bit of a losing streak at the moment, and I can see it culminating wae Grado beating him here. A crowning moment in Grados ICW career. Either that or Whippy brutalises him 10x mare viciously than yer NAK did, and they hit him wae a motor n aw sorts. Cannae fuckin wait for this but, it wont be the best match of the card in terms of the technical wrestling, but it will be the best match of the night.

Jack Jester vs Kid Fite (ICW Title Match)

Must admit, I wis a wee bit confused at this yin. I reckon its happening tae further solidify Kid Fites heel turn and push him as a singles wrestler, but a title shot right away? I mentioned Thomson being the better wrestler, but Kid Fite is cracking worker anaw, and better at engaging wae the crowd, so of the two him getting a World Title shot makes mare sense. Should be a good match, but I cannae see past Jester retaining. If the match descends intae brutality, it'll be interesting tae see how Kid Fite gets on in that situation, but then again he is fae Maryhill, so it'll no be the first time he's seen a corkscrew used as an eye gouging device. Last show of the year, so we might see a wee melee in here anaw. Cannae see it being yer run of the mill title defence and naebdy winds up wae a burst jaw in the aftermath. We just cannae huv that ataw, jaws need tae be burst. Cannae be an ICW Christmas party on the go n everycunts sittin wae their jaw intact. Its no right.

We've been promised a few surprises at this event tae, so I reckon there's gonnae be at least one more match put on the card. Mibbe Lionheart vs Lightning? I wid fuckin greet aw the tears of joy if that happened. Nae Andy Wild or Noam Dar on the card either, so if they two went at it again, I'd huv masell a right bendy wee stauner for that, and while I know how futile this patter really is, I still cannae help but praying every single night fur a Jackie Polo return. ICW is a caulder, less patter ridden place without him. Also, someone is returning tae the scene of the crime, fuck knows who. Mibbe its William Grange returning tae the scene of his crimes against huvin good teeth? We'll see eh.

So listen, I'm gaun, other cunts are gaun, yer ma's gaun. We're aw gaun up that toon fur the wrestling. I suggest ye add yersell tae the ranks and come along for the besta times. Tickets on the door and available online right up tae show time. In amongst it.