Starting off wae a difference this week folks! That's right, instead of ending the show wae aw the wrasslers standing on the stage we fuckin went and started the show that way this week! And instead of starting the show wae Triple H in the ring, we started the show with Brad Maddox, Vickie Guerrero AND Triple H in the ring.
Anycunt else gettin a wee bit fatigued wae this?
I hate tae continually praise Triple H. Cawin him a prick at least 7 or 8 times when I reviewed RAW wis much more fun, but the cunt is making this work. Its as invested as I've ever been in Triple H promo work, because I think he's being allowed tae be his true self. Know whit is true self is? aye that's right ma man, you guessed it...
Triple H is a prick.
He urges aw the wrasslers on the ring tae speak up if they have any concerns about the way he has handled things recently, and most of them look away lit Trips wis the teacher, and he wis lookin for somedy tae meet his eyeline tae answer a question aboot Kinetic Energy, or the Middle East. Eventually Damien Sandow, being the scholar that he is, pipes up and basically gies the verbal equivalent of licking Trips erse. He commends Hunters decision tae fire Cody Rhodes for insubordination and Trips is lit that "nae offense Dame, but clam it meht"
Next tae pipe up Kofi Kingston, but his concaved chest collapses on him and he folds in hauf. Triple H awards this contortionism by booking Kofi in a non-title match wae Curtis Axel later.
Next up is Heath Slater, and that shit is just fuckin hilarious. Heath goes on a wee ramble about how he's sick watching The Big Show just staun aboot aimlessly even though he's pure giant, and Triple H responds by thanking him for emptying out what is "surely the whole contents of your brain" .
Next we hear fae RVD, which wis just majestic. He informs trips that the "whole vibe you've created.....It's not cool dude" I ken everyone knows RVD likes a wee shmoke, but this wis fuckin hilarious stoner patter. Triple H has been waitin for years tae hear RVD refer tae him as "dude" so that's his year made. He rewards RVD by booking him in a match NEXT against Orton. They had a fuckin beezer of a match before Orton wis champ, so by my reckoning, this would be smashin. At least decent.
Triple H wraps it up by saying Daniel Bryan could chose a member of The Shield to go up against in the main event. So that means the face of yer company is kickin the show aff, and the face that continually seems to be gettin a doin will once again main event this shit. Cause Daniel Bryan is our fearless leader. All hail Daniel Bryan.
Wrestling.
Randy Orton vs RVD
Alberto Del Rio was on commentary here, which isnae good decision making on anyones part. Any situation where ADR is allowed tae say words isnae a good situation. If I wis him I widnae even talk during job interviews. Just find the nearest unwitting employee and kick his cunt in. The boss will gain great admiration for yer heel work and make ye the Vice President or suhin. Anyway, aye. This was another great match between these two. Not as good as their first one, but frenetically paced stuff. Its mental how well Orton seems to perform against RVD, yet Cody Rhodes absolutely fuckin horsed him on RAW. A wee eye catcher of a spot early on as RVD goes for rolling thunder, but Orton reverses it intae a smashin powerslam. RVD then goes for that mental fly kick fae the apron while Orton is propped up on the barrier and RVD kicks nuthin but cold, hard...leather. The match continues at this mental pace, then oota naeplace Del Rio gets up and decides tae fire Ricardo Rodriguez heid first intae the ring post. Outta order Del Rio ma man! first ye accuse him of stealin aff ye on commentary, and now this vile shit. Nae need. Orton continues tae dominate and hits yon DDT he does, except this time its from the apron tae the floor. Which would be impressive, but I've seen that move done from the bar at the Edinburgh Picture House, on to the cauld concrete so d'ye know whit? Orton...that don't impressa me much. He picks up the win wae the RKO and that wis that. Del Rio then dives in and knocks the residual THC straight oota RVDs brain by...kicking it n that.
AJ cutting a promo backstage. Bizarrely she's talking to Layla, Alicia Foxx and Aksana about how she knows they dinnae like her, even though she basically formed an alliance wae Layla a few weeks ago, and the other two huvnae been near AJ in ages. So aye. Odd. AJ tells them aw that they're more deserving than any of yer Total Divas trollops, but she needs tae fuckin stop that patter cause its no fair on Nattie near its no. Haud yer weesht ya wee midden.
Dolph Ziggler vs Ryback
Achhhh fuck this. Its only redeeming feature was the fact that Dean Ambrose was on commentary, and that's just a fuckin delight. This is the man who's gonnae lead the new generation imo. In terms of his all round level of skill, there is no one better. Enchanting on the mic, and unique in the ring. he fuckin HAS to be the main guy in the future. But aye, fuck this match. If im seeing Dolph Ziggler pinned by this fuckin pleb twice in a row, there's something inherently wrang wae yer booking. Its a bittersweet feeling seeing Dolph selling aw of Rybacks turgid moves like a champ, and as they battle on the outside, Ambrose and Dolph get intae some verbal sparring, before Ryback comes oota naeplace and hits the Meathook cloethesline. He drags Dolph back intae the ring to hit the Shellshock for the win, and the collective heart of the wrestling world breaks. Fuck Ryback and everything he stands for, and fuck aw they borderine rapey promos he cut. Especially the one where he basically forced a man to shower in front of him as salivated and used his erection as a pole vaulting instrument.
Curtis Axel vs Kofi Kingston
Now this I liked. Mainly because the match was fuckin excellent, but also cause it adds another slightly unexpected wee element to the Punk/Heyman situation. Punk must get through Axel at Night Of Champions if he can get his hands and Axel losing to Kingston here would pretty much guarantee that Punk will get his hands on Heyman. The match is fuckin braw btw, I'm sure I mentioned that earlier, but whit is life if it isnae about repeating yersell a lot and drinking cider oot the bottle? exactly. Dropkicks are exchanged between the two, before Kofi ducks out of the way of a clothesline, only for Axel to hit him with one on the back of the head. Kofi won fuckin clean with the SOS which is just mental. Fair play to Kofi, he never gives less than his all, even though he's pretty much resigned to mid card jobber status for.....eternity.
Heyman being asked backstage if he is concerned with what Axels latest defeat means for him at Night Of Champions. He is concerned. Very concerned. A bit like Gordon Strachan when he writes "Whittaker" on the Scotland teamsheet. He knows that if Whittaker is at his best, he has a player on his hands, but the likelihood of that is slim tae fuck all. Got aw the attributes so he has, but he rarely combines them effectively. His face is also shite, much like Axels.
Brie Bella vs Naomi
Thankfully this match wisnae really a match, as AJ and the broads she was chattin tae earlier aw rush oot and stomp these Total Divas bitches the fuck oot. Thankfully Nattie wisnae aboot so I wis cool wae this. AJ also gets on the mic and cuts another lovely wee promo. Yer slaying it hen. Good on ye.
The Real Americans vs The Usos
Probably just cause I'm a huge Cesaro mark, and I'm also intae the Usos, but this was the highlight of the show for me. Excellent match in its own right, with some braw double team work from both teams, and yer usual dose of mental high flying gear from The Usos. It's fuckin amazin whit Cesaros presence does tae ye when yer faced wae a Jack Swagger match. Turns pure unadulterated dread intae a braw wee content feeling. Like when yer pain in the arse aunty comes tae visit, but its no so bad cause she brings yer favourite cousin and yees nick oot tae the Garage tae play subbuteo the gether. Another wee tangent there, my apologies. Cesaro seals the win with that fuckin wonderful uppercut, and for a brief moment, all was right wae the world.
Fairly pointless Triple H n Big Show segment backstage. Trips knows he's upset.Whit gied it away Hunter? aw the greetin aye? sit doon ya pie.
The Big Show vs 3MB
I suppose considering the fact that he's done fuck all but greet for 2 weeks, he had tae eventually smash somedy eh? or in this case, it was 3 somedys. Show squashes them tae fuck, hittin Drew and Jinder wae a double choke-slam before delivering a knockout punch that Heath sold so well, he wound up in an Impact creative meeting, pitching an idea fur a baseball themed tag team called "The Home Runners"
The Shield then emerge and Show looks set tae knock a muthafucka oot, but Trips comes oot and urges him tae leave it. "Jist leave it big yin" and Show does indeed leave it.
Daniel Bryan vs Seth Rollins
Bryan allows The Shield tae chose his opponent since he knows they'll all get involved anyway, and Rollins is the chosen one. The three singles matches I've seen from these two to date have all been fuckin stoaters, so I had room for one mare. As predicted, there's a gid bit of interference though AND even a wee hint of a Daniel Bryan botch, as he hits Rollins with a German Suplex throw, which planted him right on the top of his head. The match continues at a frantic pace as Bryan fends off interference from both Reigns and Ambrose, before hitting Reigns with a suicide dive after ducking out of a Rollins clothesline. He then goes on to seal the win with that jaw shattering knee he's using these days and that was that. A short but entertaining main event.
He then struts up the ramp, YES chanting all the way, and it finally looks like we're getting a happy end to a weekly WWE show. An ending where Daniel Bryan disnae need tae kid on he's sleepin, but our illusions are shattered as Orton shows up and RKOs him intae next August. Really shoulda saw that yin comin Danny ma man. Ma brerr. Ma compadre.
Overall another excellent installment of yer Smackdown. Really sweet stuff like a Candy Apple shaped lit Kaitlyns erse. I gie it 8 elbows of disdain oota 10.
Cushty.
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