There are some things in human behavior that I just cannae fathom. Mibbe its to do with yer upbringing, or if you surround yersell with arseholes, but some folks prejudices fuckin baffle me. Last night me, and some pals, two of them female, had tae suffer some of the most horrendous and abusive patter I've ever heard from a team of utter cunts right behind us.
I realise the odd bit of abuse is all part and parcel of wrestling, but there's abuse of a heel because he's doing his job well and bringing that reaction out of you, and there's what we heard last night. Just plain abuse. Foul mouthed nae patter abuse of some extremely talented women. Essentially these pricks had their favourites in every match, and anyone who wasn't a favourite was a "bitch, slut, cow, whore" or something to that effect. In the main event, anytime Viper done anything of note she was called "a fat bitch" without fail. She's a fat bitch for doing her job properly and entertaining you aye? Fuck right off. Take yersell, aw yer wanker pals, roll yersells intae a wee baw and allow me tae boot yees tae the fuckin moon. Yer no welcome.
Anyway, thats that oot the road. I'm gonnae review what was a fantastic exhibition for Women's wrestling now and I'm fair lookin forward tae it, so shall we fire in?
Fiona Fraser and Kirsty Loveign vs Local Enhancement Talent
Local enhancement talent essentially means trainees who are doing well in training I'd imagine. I'm glad this wasn't a squash, because that serves nae purpose to anyone really. It was good to see the lassie in the pink n black gear get a wee snapmare and a dropkick in. Cracking stuff. The actual match got about 5 minutes, and it hit a nice wee pace after a sluggish start before yon big Amazonian warrior Ayesha Ray emerged and battered fuck outta everyone. Kirsty Loveign clearly wants a scrap with Ayesha, but her manager James R Kennedy insae huvin it. She teases us wae a face turn, but unfortunately she decides against knockin him on his arse. Tell ye whit though, I enjoyed this whole thing, namely cause I got to hear Team CKs braw entrance music, and the fact that it was a pre-cursor for....
Ayesha Ray vs Bete Noire
Better Noire emerges to challenge Ayesha Ray to a match. She's no happy wae her bullying nonsense and plans tae put an imprint of her Size 8s on Ayesha erse (I dunno for sure if she's an 8 like, that's purely guesswork) The match is a cracker. Good mix of styles, with Ayesha's raw power, and Betes dynamic brawling style. I wis intae it. Ayesha got the win with a choke bomb. Couldnae get her up for it the first time, but nailed it the second. We aw make mistakes eh, nae herm tae ye.
Sara vs Leah Owens
Ah Leah. Whit ye like eh hen? She makes funny things happen in my nether regions. Wee tingly hings. For the first time the "Eddies got a stauner" chant was completely true, cause she rubbed her erse on his bits and the the poor boy wis pitchin a tent spacious enough tae yase it at T In The Park. next year. Leah insae just aw sex appeal though, far form it, both her and her sister are very talented wrestlers, as Leah displayed when she rolled out of a move (no entirely sure what move tbh) straight into a cross armbreaker. Leah won with a rollup I believe, but don't quote me on that. Enjoyable match, but it was all set up for what followed when Carmel emerged to do that amazing things she does....
Carmel Jacob is on fire right now. In terms of momentum and most importantly pure talent, she has it all right now. Her promo in Maryhill was one of my favourites of all time in the womens scene, and perhaps overall. It was that good. This one wasn't as heartfelt and passionate, but it was still fucking captivating as she attempts to persuade her old Glamour Gym tag partner Sara to re-join her and leave yon David The Beloved, cause essentially he's just using her tae try n get his end away. Surprisingly Sara accepts, leading me tae believe that maybe the David The Beloved thing is shelved for now. only time will tell eh. I hope it isnae, cause the potential for shenanigans there is off the scale.
(A wee admission here, I took fuckin awful notes at this event, so If some of the specifics are a wee bit off, its simply cause Red Stripe. I try no tae read other reviews in case it influences my thinking, so aside form hauners for a few folk on Twitter, its mostly pieced together from memory. I will get some shit wrong, n I can only apologise n offer ye an Empire Biscuit for yer troubles)
Rhia O'Reilly vs Shanna (Round Robin Tournament for the number one contenders spot for the FF Title)
Of all the things I learned at this event, I think the main thing I'll take away fae it is just how good Rhia O'Reilly is. A really intelligent and methodical worker. Absolutely dominated most of this match against a top quality talent like Shanna. Hugely entertaining match, and Shannas entrance music made my hips dae hings I've never seen them dae before. Cracking contest, with a slightly ambiguous ending as the ref counted 3 on Rhia accidentally. I dunno if this was planned tbh,but either way, mistakes happen. It disnae matter in the grand scheme of things, and Rhia got the win via submission wae the stretch muffler. Shanna injured her knee earlier, which would prove to be a factor later in the night. Stay tuned to find out how it all went down after this short break!
Carmel Jacob vs Crazy Mary Dobson
Well this was just fuckin outstanding wasn't it? Carmel daein that other thing she's braw at, wae aw that beautiful technical wrestling, and Crazy Mary showing us all that along with a knack for having various parts of her body stapled to other parts of her body, she also has a canny knack of wrestling. This was my favourite match of the night, a feast for the eyes so it wis. Carmel hits a snapmare intae a chinlock, and thats some smooth technical wrasslin that I'm intae. Carmel then hits the Carmel DDT, and I popped so hard the erse blew oot my jeans. The whole match was so engaging, I wish I could tell ye more about the specifics but instead I'll just gush about it aimlessly for a few more sentences. What else can ye say really? As a huge Carmel mark, I wis a wee bit disappointed to see her lose, as Mary hit the Split Legged Moonsault for the win. Outstanding match though. There was a spot on the stage aswell I believe, cannae remember the move, but Mary definitely hit Carmel with some kind of suplex, slam, throw or mibbe even a piledriver. I'll tell ye this for free, it looked sare.
Nikki Storm vs Portia Perez
Nikki gets on the mic and gies it aw that aggro about how she should have been involved in the Number One Contenders tournament. She has a point to be fair, in terms of pure wrestling ability, there is no one better in the country for me. Portia Perez is one of the finest talents in the world so this was just smashin. I know I'm saying that about everything like, but aside from the first match having a slow start, I couldnae poke holes in the show performance wise. Pokig holes in things is gid fun so it is, but if they urnae there tae be poked, thats just the way it is. I said poked a lot there eh? Nikki gets really cheeky towards the end, exposing the top turnbuckle and sending Portia intae it napper first, before pinning her with he small package. She then makes every effort to keep the ref from seeing her earlier deed, in an continuation of her earlier cheekiness. Her capacity for cheek knows no bounds it wid seem.
Rhia O'Reilly vs Erin Angel
(Round Robin Tournament for the number one contenders spot for the FF Title)
This was good, but not as engaging as Rhia vs Shanna tbh. Nice mix of styles though, as Erin favours a more high flying style, to Rhia's more hard hitting, knock ye clean oot yer boots and intae a hopsital gown style. Erin gets the win with a rollup after hitting an impressive moonsault. Seemingly sealing her place as Number One Contender as Shanna was unable to compete, but then a whole succession of mild confusing stuff went on. Shanna does eventually limp out to the ring and declare that she does intent tae take Erin on, even thugh she cannae walk. Rhia attacks wee Erin on the road oot, despite the fact that she cannae stand Shanna, seemingly gien Shanna a chance to get the win despite having a severely burst knee, but Erin pins her anyway with a bit of a messy rollup. The one thing we know for sure is that Erins in for a shot of the belt in the near future so that's nice. Gid for her eh.
Kay Lee Ray vs Viper vs Awesome Kong (ICW FF Title - Elimination Match)
For me this was perfectly worked. Rightly putting the legend that is Awesome King in the main event, but more importantly, not having her totally dominate and make Kay Lee and Viper look weak. Also Kong comes out to Simon Says by Pharaohe Monch and if I wisnae popping enough for Kong hersell, that tune made a blood vessel in my eye just pop clean oot. Didnae even burst, it escaped fae my heid. Anyway, the early stages is Kong dominating, and her and Viper team up to send Kay Lee out of the ring. The action between Viper and Kong is predictasbly hard hitting, before Kay Lee does eventually make her way back into the ring. Her and Viper decide tae out their differences aside to try and take out Kong, but only after the big legend hits the fuckin IMPLANT BUSTER on Kay Lee. I think she landed on Viper in the process anaw, before the two Scottish lassies take over. Viper nailing a powerbomb, before hitting a frog splash, and Kay Lee hit the Swanton to finally put Kong away. Lovely to see ye ya big wonder ye, hopefully its no yer last visit to ICW. Now on to the second portion of the main event. Viper vs Kay Lee Ray. Only one can take that smashin blue belt hame for the mantelpiece and these two fair knocked lumps oota each other for the right to call the belt their own.
They make their way intae the crowd pretty quickly, and they battled right next tae where we were standing. Viper was right next to the fuckin fanny calling her a fat bitch throughout, so it widda gave us all great pleasure tae see her kick his baws striaght up his erse for him, but instead she decided to chuck Kaylee from one balcony to another one about 10-15 feet below. Sare. Sarer than a sare hing up at Sare Drummond Safari park feedin the Monkeys. She then proceeds tae climb up on the balcony before crashing down on Kaylee wae a sensational cross body. According to casual observers, I popped so forcefully for this, my face momentarily melted into a pile of skin and puss. I regained my composure however, and somehow so did these two warriors as the fight continued in the ring. Viper seemingly with the upper hand, hits the Michinoku Driver and that has tae be that eh? Nut, Kaylee gets the shoulder up. Then anarchy ensued as Carmel and Sara emerged tae spoil the party, only for Bete Noire to lend hauners to Kay Lee to clear them out. Crazy Mary appears at this point anaw, and robs the belt. Sleekit as anythin. Back in the ring Kaylee takes advantage of the various distractions and hits a fuckin unreal second rope powerbomb, before hitting the Swanton for the win. Bringing one of the most exciting matches Ive seen all year to a close. Oan yer fuckin sells eh. Nothing mare gratifying than seeing some of our most talented workers mixing it with the best in the world. Braw.
Crazy Mary then re-emerges and gies Kay Lee her belt back, but its only for a wee shot, cause Mary wants to take the belt for keeps at Fear and Loathing. Kay Lee accepts her challenge, and there we have it. A match that'll have mare bumps an eventual bruises than yer da when he falls up the stair steamin.
Overall, aside from some insufferable fandans in the crowd, it was a hugely impressive show. Wrestling wise, you wont see a better display of talented Women anywhere. Compare this show to that fucking abomination of a Women's show TNA put on recently, and you tell me which company is the multi-national one. Show was easily an 8 out of 10 for me, widda been a 9 but it loses a point cause the bold Carmel didnae win, and I'm in the huff about it. Love you anaw Mary hen, but Carmel is my favourite n that.
Smashin stuff. Please don't dismiss these FF shows cause yer narrow minded enough to think it'll be just like the Divas in WWE. It isnae. These lassies are all in this because of a passion for the business, these urnae models that have been talked intae it by auld codgers lookin for something tae rip the heid aff it tae, these women know whit its all about. Talent prevails every time.
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