They bill these special episodes of Impact as if they are giving you PPV quality shows for free. As If you should be thanking them for being so kind. No Surrender had 4 matches. 4 matches in a 2 hour show. One of them a mid card inter stable match for the Heavyweight Title. Something inherently wrong with the booking in TNA right now. It feels like it has Hogans ham fisted stamp all over it. Its almost as if TNA brought Hogan in because his name = publicity, but the level of the responsibility they had to promise him to get him in has ultimately been detrimental to the company. Having a member of staff dedicated to cutting off the sleeves of every shirt Hogan wears must be a huge drain on finances aswell. When asked why he doesn't just buy his shirts sleeveless in the first place, Hogan simply said "CAUSE I LIKE TA SEE EM GET CUT BROTHER!"
That word. Brother. That word was all I heard in the opening promo of No Surrender.
The opening promo is Bully Ray addressing Anderson, who is yet to emerge. He assures everyone that Anderson will do the right thing and refuse his title match. Hogan interrupts and says something about "surfs up jack!" then he proceeds to tell Bully, Anderson will fight him. Anderson emerges, refuses Hulks offer of a handshake and asks "whats shakin?" Bully is all "see! I told you! Aces n Eights for Life Brah!" before Anderson attacks him and shouts his own name really loudly. As Bully escapes Hogan informs him his Title defense would be a LAST MAN STANDING MATCH BROTHER! and then he just kept on saying it.
Brotherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Over and over and over and over. I am not exaggerating. This is not a drill. He must have said brother at least ten times. He has become a leather faced parody of himself.
AJ Styles vs Austin Aries (BFG Series Semi Final)
I expected huge things from this, but I was very disappointed to find that the first 6-7 minutes was just both of them no selling everything. I'd say maybe 5 moves were completed successfully in that period, without being dangerously blocked or just plain ignored. It finally hit its stride, but I think that was more Aries realising the match had stunk to that point, and wanted to give the fans something. I don't think AJ could have cared less to be honest, which is a shame because these two served up one of the matches of the year around a month ago. Aries hits the Brainbuster after a struggle but AJ kicked out at 2. Aries then locks in the horns of Aries straight after but AJ escapes. AJ gets the win after hitting the Pele kick in the corner, before nailing Aries with the second rope Styles clash. if they didnt spend the first 6 or 7 minutes of this stiffing each other, it might have been a classic.
Ah Magnus. I have the utmost respect for how much he's improved since he first entered the business, but much like A Sheamus feud, or any match involving Chris Masters, I struggle to care about it at all. Less charisma than Curtis Axel cutting a promo about door handles.
Bobby Roode vs Magnus (BFG Series Semi Final)
Its bad news when a Magnus match tops a match between two of the best wrestlers in the world, but that's what happened here. I have nothing against Magnus btw. In terms of mobility, and technical proficiency, he does ok for being a plank of wood. I jest, but in all honesty, this was a great match. As was their first one in the BFG series. I question if Magnus is capable of this standard again an opponent of lower quality. Although I mainly question it because anytime i see him against an opponent of lower quality, he fails to live up to the Roode standard. Roode bosses it for the most part, before Magnus locks in the Texas Cloverleaf, and it looked like Roode might tap for a second. He had that "I'm about to tap, or wet myself" look on his face, but he reached the ropes just in time. Probably wished he'd just tapped anyway, as Magnus gets the win with a quick rollup. Excellent match I thought. Although it meant AJ v Magnus would be the BFG Final, in turn meaning they had deliberately booked a match that wasnt Aries vs Roode. Never a good call.
MID SHOW RANDOM SEGMENTS STUCK TOGETHER TO CONFUSE THE CASUAL VIEWER TIME
Segment 1 - Roode is madder than Mad News Brown on the midnight train to Madagascar. Hogan is a bad mamma jamma, and Roode will have his revenge.
Segment 2 - Hogan giving Manik some advice. Manik has his mask off because KAYFABE IS A LIE.
Segment 3 - Dixie Carter saying "follow me on Twitter!" over and over again to Hogan, until his his eyes pop out of his head and time themselves in a knot.
Segment 4 - Bully. Anderson. Pained faces. Garrett Bischoff
Bully Ray vs Mr Anderson (TNA Title Match - Last Man Standing)
I've enjoyed Andersons exuberance in the lead up to this, but it doesn't change the fact that he's still a mid card wrestler, who done nothing of note in the BFG series, before being handed a title shot anyway. The match just wasn't my cup of tea. The LMS stip basically meant they just threw each other around a lot. After some table based shenanigans, Bully decides to knock out Earl Hebner and he summons the rest of the troops out to knock the hell out of Anderson. Bully then puts him through a table like both Anderson and the table owes him money. Dreams and lives are shattered as Anderson is out for the 10 count. Bully retains and Anderson is wheeled away on a stretched, before being pulled off the stretched and hit with a piledriver on the stage. Tough love. And sometimes love hurts.
ODB telling us she'll be the next champ. I believe her.
Just a dire promo here. I actually downloaded Impact after falling asleep for 40 mins of it last night, and this is all I missed essentially. A Promo between Storm, Gunner, Chavo and Hernandez. If Hernandez and Chavo can beat them next week, THEN they get a title shot. Aren't you the guys who got beat by Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco last week? When since does that mean you get to call the shots? Bad news when a once great tag division is reduced to a bunch of terrible singles wrestlers limped together, and for some reason the bold James Storm. Storm deserves better.
Honest to god, I was out for at least 40-45 minutes and the only stuff I missed was half of Bully v Anderson, that awful promo, and the first 5 minutes of AJ vs Magnus. Insane.
AJ Styles vs Magnus (BFG Series Final)
This really should have been better also. I don't know what it is about AJ, but there's just something very off about his demeanor lately. Even after this apparent face turn, and return to his old ways, there's still a selfishness about his work. That half shoot promo from last week too, for me it was horrible stuff. Contrived and poorly delivered, but I'm just a guy writing some words. What do I know? Roode and Bad Influence ride down to the ring on a tandem bike with Daniels in the sidecar, before attacking everyone, and waving at family members in the crowd. AJ and Magnus each drink a 5 hour energy and all of a sudden they're back to the wrasslin. Magnus hits a picture perfect uppercut (not as perfect as Joe Coffey (Scottish Indie Wrestler) or Cesaro, but still pretty nice) before AJ locks in the calf cutter, and finally seals with win with the spinal tap.
Match was ok. Probably better than AJs match with Aries, but only because he was comfortable enough to let Magnus get his work in without being upstaged. Against Aries he was far too guarded. For me, afraid of Aries showing him up and derailing this push.
Overall, I enjoyed the show a lot more than recent efforts. Purely because all 4 matches were given great time, and aside from the early exchanges between AJ and Aries, and most of the Title Match (I've just realised that's half the show...oh well) the wrestling was of a very high standard. Would have been a better show if Aries and Roode had gone over and faced each other in the main event. Still for the lack of god awful 15 minute promos, and the lack of any MMA 'stars' mixed up with a light sprinkling of great wrestling, I give No Surrender 6.75 Bam Bam Saults out of 10.
If you enjoyed this review, check out my other reviews where I swear a lot, and use Scottish words that you may or may not understand.
No comments:
Post a Comment