Jaded. That's how I felt as i sat down at 2am this morning to watch Impact. Completely jaded. So exasperated by the events of recent weeks, all i wanted to do is tie Dixie Carter, Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff together by the legs, and throw them into the dead sea. No listen, that's a bit extreme. Diie, for all her poor choices seems like a nice lady, and Hulk has just enough legend points left to save him from that fate, but Bischoff? He was a big part of making WCW as hot as it was, but he was also largely responsible for its demise, and had been a key figure behind TNAs struggles; he is also halfway responsible for the abomination known as Garret Bischoff so he can go. To the fishes with you!
For this weeks review I will give you a status bar of how close to breaking point I was in terms of exasperation at TNA. I'd say I was at 60 percent as the show kicked off. It was my greatest hope that the show could give me enough good stuff to get it below 50.......we did not start well on that front.
Bully and The Aces and Threes (that's funny cause theres only 3 left other than Bully) open the show. Bully stops a Mike Knox promo in its tracks because that's just never a good idea. No sir. Bully informs his 'brothers' that they have to fall in line. If they lost to the main Event Mafia in the 6 man tag match later, another one of them was for the chop.
I'd say that the horror of hearing a joint Mike Knox and Bully ray promo would have pushed us 70 percent towards breaking point, but the incentive of one of the Aces and Eights being given the chop keeps us at 60 percent.
ODB, Joseph Park and Eric Young promo backstage. They will team up for an inter gender tag match against the bro mans and Gail Kim later. EY goes into a speech about how JP better watch himself whilst shaving because if he cuts himself he goes LOCO. They agree that he shouldn't shave on days they have a nap. Good talk guys. Good hustle.
ODB, Eric Young and JoPo vs The Bro-Mans and Gail Kim
The match was nothing special, but the finish was a thing of beauty. First Park hits the splash from the second rope, then EY hits the Eblow Drop from the top rope, before tagging ODB in to hit the splash on Godderz for the win. Beautiful.
ODB pinning a Bro-Man? oh aye, that'll get us down to 50 percent towards breaking point easily, because I really want her to drink me under the table and then violate me a bit, is that weird?
Austin Aries emerges for promo cutting. I've been lukewarm to his promos since starting to watch TNA again, but this one was up there with some of his best. He speaks of how everyone knows that even if he isn't headlining the card, his match is the main event. Its all cracking stuff until Kenny King comes out and do you know something? he was good too. I cant fault him. He's a bit of a goofball, but the fact that he accurately paints that picture on the mic says that he has something about him. Its all leading to a match between Kenny King and Aries, which King initially tries to run away from, but is halted by a ref. Because refs are super strong.
Austin Aries vs Kenny King
Aries dives at King right away. No rest for the wicked and all that.They proceed to have a great match. I've always liked Kenny King, he's a very accomplished worker. Aries is always flawless in the ring so it made for an engaging contest. Aries gets the win cleaner than a CM Punk urine sample when he hits the brainbuster.
With that excellent great promo-good match 1-2 punch we're amazingly down to just 40 percent towards breaking point. Could we make it to 0 by the end of the end? surely not.
Sabin speaks to Aries backstage after his match. Sabins words are kryptonite for the ears. Right back up to 50 percent.
Hogan emerges. Hogan has a mic. Hogan talks about bringing AJ and Dixie out later to hash this whole thing out after last week. Nope. 60 percent towards breaking point. It all started so well eh.
Chris Sabin vs Manik (X-Division Title Match)
I expected great things from this, but it was unfortunately pretty short and riddled with tomfooolery. First Sabin pretends his knee is acting up, causing Manik to ask "whats going on man?" and the ref is like "I dunno" Manik locks in a sore looking leglock type thing, but Sabin is freed when Velvet Sky pulls him towards the rope. Velvet gets in the ring for some unfathomable reason, and that leds to Sabin rolling Manik up, only for Manik to roll through and get the pin himself. Manik retains, and Sabin reacts by attacking him before Aries rushes out to make the save. Sabin didn't say words again, so every cloud has a silver lining and all that.
We remain at 60. Match was sloppy, but it didn't lead to Sabin winning the title again which wouldn't have made any sense. Everyone else remember when he was world Champ?
Bad Influence and Roode promo backstage. Its a super inoffensive fun time.
Aces and Eights (Knux, Bischoff and Brisco) vs The MEM (Sting, Magnus and Samoa Joe)
This is why I hate this stable feud, because one of them is made up of entirely good wrestlers bar one (Rampage) and the other is made up of enitrely bad wrestlers bar one (Bully) so we have this succession of one sided and awful to watch matches. This was another one. Sting and the boys done thier best, but the match just wasn't anything to write home (or the internet) about. It had a lovely ending though, as the man Sting hits a couple of picture perfect stinger splashes before Samoa Joe chokes out Brisco for the win. Dial it down to 55 percent towards breaking point after that finish. With Hogan,AJ and Dixie to come, the chance of it reaching 100 is still very real.
Wes is officially kicked out of the Aces and Eights. Jacket stripped off his back and everything. We are back to 50 percent towards breaking point people. Unless Hogan comes out for the final promo and sacrifices Chris Hero we should be safe from breaking point this week.
And wouldn't you just know it? Hulk Hogan comes out and sacrifices Chris Hero in front of a live audience! Nah I jest. The promo was just a complete nonsense with Dixie talking about how Hogan needs to get on board with her way of thinking or get on board with another company. She then tells us how no one knows what its like to be in her shoes but that's not true,. I'm sure rich people watch Impact too. She tells Hogan to not be like AJ and watch from the sidelines, and she gives him a week to consider his next move.
Inoffensively terrible ending bumps up up to 60 percent towards breaking point, so that saga continues until next week, and so does the whole Hogan/AJ/Dixie thing.
I suppose if we started at 60 percent, and ended there the show must have been ok right? With that in mind I'll give it 6 tiger bombs out of 10. Until next week, watch out for coyotes.
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