NXT started wae a match this week. Really the only purpose this intro serves is tae tell ye that, and also tae tell ye yer lookin just rerr n braw the day. Keep on keepin on.
Emma and Santino Marella vs Summer rae and Fandango
Well this wis a laugh riot. Mibbe if it wis on RAW I widda been mare grumpy about it cause it ended predictably poorly for Fandango, but acht, on NXT it kinda fits. It wis all about the two females in the match anyway, who are actual members of the NXT roster, although yer man Santino got a fuckin huge pop. Fandango got a decent reception aswell, cause the NXT crowds generally urnae fuckin stupid. Its a daft sorta match, but Fandango starts tae dominate. Santino rallies and gets Emma tagged in and ra burds go at it. Emma locks in the dilemma which is just the daftest move oot. A submission hold applied on the ropes ma man? miss me wae that nonsense. Santino gies her the cobra....and then he gied her the wee sock wae a snakes face on it! hahaha (the joke there is...like...his penis) Emma then shoves Summer Rae intae the corner, which in turn flips Fandango a million feet in the air and he mistakenly lands on Emma a wee bit. Looked awffa sare so it did. Emma and Santino deliver a hip toss each tae Summer and Curtis, before baith fawin on them heid first. Santino takes possession of his cobra once more and haufs Fandango in 2 with it. Game, set and match. Feel free tae dance aboot daft, you deserve it.
Kassius Ohno vs Luke Harper
Guys! big Chris Hero is back on NXT! awwww and guys! he's wrasslin big Luke Harper! awww boayzies, mere n see this. It'll be gid.
Big Kassius comes oot lookin the shape of his life, makin me wince a wee bit at this rumour that Triple H disnae rate him cause he disnae lift weights enough. The match is that brawness yer ma always tellt ye aboot. Harper sends Ohno over the ropes, but he lands on the apron, then leathers big Harper wae the shoulder as he comes towards him. They exchange blows before big Harper got Hero in a chinlock for about an hour. Ohno fights back cause ye know, he's a "hero" n that (wordplay) and he dropkicks Harper clean oot the ring, but this time HE lands on his feet. Making this match an exhibition fur big hairy guys wae really gid balance. He then hits a baseball slide through the middle rope but the big barra still widnae go doon, so Hero gets the AK47 oot and emptys the clip intae Harpers skull for the win. Nah really though, they get back intae the ring and Harper gets back in the ascendancy, hitting Ohno wae a big boot tae the melt, before taking his magnificent heid clean aff wae a huge lariat for the win.
Acht thats a shame, cannae really see the benefit in bringing a main roster guy back tsae NXT if its no tae try n make Ohno look gid, I fear he'll be stuck in NXT for a while yet.
Enzo Amore n Big Kass wae a wee backstage promo. Big Kass havers a lot of pish while Enzo looks uncomfortable, but this is gid cause thats the intention. He's comically bad, and Enzos reactions are also comical. Its aw comedy ma man. This is why I'm a big fan of Enzo, cause he's genuinely funny. No just funny cause he does daft shit like Santino. He eventually interrupts Kass tae tell us big Rusev is S...A....W.....F.....T ...SAAAAWWWWFT. Gid times wae the boays. That's whit its aw aboot eh.
Corey Graves and Adrian Neville vs The Ascension (NXT Tag Title Match)
These guys are aw good. Neville is head and shoulders above the other 3 if ye ask this guy, but if yer no askin me, I'll no tell ye. Big Conor O'Brian hits hunners of shoulder blocks on Neville, before Graves gets in and they start to dominate him. Get him pure isolated so they dae, and just batter him senseless. Its a right wee shame. This goes on for a while, and gets a bit tiresome but we aw know the rally is coming, Graves sends Rick Victor shoulder first intae the ringpost, and he gets yer man Neville in tae get in amongst it. He's in here like swimgear and he gets tae work quick sharp, dropkicking baith Ascension cunts oot the ring, before hitting them both wae a big high flying flip. Hits Victor wae a missile dropkick back in the ring, but Victor kicks oot. Neville then goes for yon twisty top rope finisher he uses, but Victor rolls oot the road, and eventually after some chaotic stuff, The Ascension hit a double team trip/lariat thing for the win and to become the NEW NXT Tag Champs. Makes sense. Graves and Neville are singles cunts really, and The Ascension could be a braw main roster tag team.
Gid wee match tae, ocht yer NXTs just got aw that good shit fur this week.
The Bo Dallas Invitational (A Battle Royal Gauntlet Type thing, if anyone can beat Bo, they get a shot at the NXT belt)
Congratulations NXT. You are perhaps the first wrestling show to put on a match of this nature which I didnae despise. Dallas is aw cuttin a promo before and I'm aw lit that "naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"
A jobber comes oot first and he SKWASHES uhm. Catch ye efter Mr Jobber.
Oot comes my man Antonio Cesaro next! but just as we think its gonnae be some Cesaro brawness, that bawbag Leo Kruger comes oot. Him and Cesaro have words over who will face Dallas, before Cesaro appears tae allow Kruger tae have at it. He's fuckin at the windup but, and he knocks Kruger oot the ring, before Dallas knocks Cesaro oot. Looks like neither of them will face Dallas after all, and big cheesy Bo looks ready tae get up the road. Not so fast but, the product of Mike Rotundas bad baw has tae stick around for one more competitor, and its just some generic masked jobber nae harm there.
Or...A LOT OF FUCKIN HARM there, as the jobber hits Dallas wae a big boot tae the chops and pins him 1, 2 an of course 3. He gets a shot at the belt in 2 weeks, and he also gets a shot of the BEING EL GENERICO cause it wis fuckin SAMI ZAYN under that mask, and Sami Zayn is of course El Generico! See what I did there? naw? Sound, I love ye anyway.
Gid NXT. Entertaining wae shades of gid wrasslin, although NXT rarely fails tae deliver such gidness. A right gid 7.5 Razors edges oota 10.
OLE!
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