Another PPV, another sneakily aggressive name. This time its Battleground, where apparently the ring is a battleground, the wrestlers are savages and Natalya is the queen. Or something. Wrestling? sure.
Pre-Show - Dolph Ziggler vs Damien Sandow
We may aswell make our peace with it. WWE is going to continue putting potential show stealing matches on the pre-show so eventually it just becomes part of the PPV. This makes sense, as it puts Sandow on the card, but still leaves the possibility of him cashing in MITB wide open. It also makes sense because its Dolph Ziggler against someone good, so that means we'll get a good match. Simple mathematics really. I expect Dolph to win, because I'm a huge Ziggler mark and any outcome which isnt a Ziggler win will lead to various items in my place of residence being thrown through various windows.
Curtis Axel vs R-Truth (IC Title Match)
Does anyone really care? If you removed spinning heel kicks and flying punches out from wrestling, R-Truth would just run around in circles until he passes out. Axel has a touch of the Chris Sabins on the mic. Axel will retain. Or Truth will take the belt. Either way, the belt will remain irrelevant. Hopefully it isn't a complete waste of time and they manage to get Paul Heyman on the mic, or even a short interview with him as he works a shift at the hot dog stand.
Bray Wyatt vs Kofi Kingston
I suppose its a good thing that they have Bray on the card, but really, what's the point here? we either get a predictable squash, or they somehow engineer a Kofi win which will lead to numerous feet going through numerous TVs across the globe. At best we'll get a decent 6-7 minute match, with Bray winning and the Wyatt Family giving Kofi a gentle nudge towards Buzzard following. I don't think Kofi would fit in really. Maybe just as a backup for Kane, or even Snitsky. Who else can't get to sleep at night thinking about a Snitsky return? Just me? cool.
Rollins and Reigns vs Cody Rhodes and Goldust (If Cody and Goldust lose, they lose their jobs, as does Dusty Rhodes)
I'd say I'm probably just more excited about the Bryan v Orton match, but this is a very close second. Perfectly built feud here, with The Shield doing Triple H and Stephanie's bidding. Goldust and Cody have both recently outperformed the "face" of the WWE Randy Orton in singles matches, so I fully expect them to rise to the occasion here. Only problem is, Ambrose will be there as backup for the Shield boys, wheras Cody and Goldust are really on their old da' who struggles a wee bit with walking and suchlike. Can't see The Rhodes Family losing though, considering the stakes. Won't be a clean finish. Hopefully its your classic case of referee distracted, and Dusty Rhodes knocking Roman Reigns spark out with a cowbell.
AJ Lee vs Brie Bella (Divas Title Match)
Brie taking Natalyas place would be like The Brooklyn Brawler taking Stone Colds place. I can only hope and pray that AJ retains. If she drops the belt to a Bella, I think we'd all die inside just a wee bit.
Bert Del Rio vs Robert Van Dam (Hardcore Rules - WH Title Match)
The tale of two Berts eh. I am a shameless Bert Van Dam mark after dreading his return. Its undeniable though, he's worked some of the best matches of his career since coming back and for me that warrants putting the belt on him. Purely because its a complete irrelevance as long as its round ADRs waist. Hardcore rules so I expect the win to come via some kind of outlandish spot. Perhaps via RVD being shot out of cannon for a 150 foot high 5 star frog splash.
CM Punk vs Ryback
This has had a great build, but I struggle to get excited about it as a match. They worked some boring matches together for the belt last year, but as much as it pains me to say it, Ryback has improved since then. Not a lot, but enough to expect at least something passable here. just feels like this is all killing time before Punk vs Lesnar 2, although if it is killing time, its killing time with some of the best promos the company has seen in the past 10 years. I can sadly see Ryback going over here, with a lot of help from Heyman, although I live in hope that Luke Gallows and Serenna will return to help Punk out. I think I could die happy if that happened and of course Daniel Bryan becomes a 3 time WWE Champ.
Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton (Match for the vacant WWE Title)
If Daniel Bryan doesn't win the WWE Title clean, we riot. We burn the planet to the ground. There won't even be any ground if the whole planet's getting burned in fact. So wee bits of earth will float around the atmosphere for all eternity. That's exactly how its going down. Daniel Bryan WILL become a 3 time WWE Champion, and this reign will last at least a week. Hopefully a lot of weeks. Bryan with the yes lock, Orton cries, then taps, then cries more.
Battleground is shaping up nicely considering its lack of build. If you can find me someone who gives a shit about Axel vs Truth, you'll be showing me a liar though. If Bryan and Punk don't win, we send angry emails to our nearest authority figure.
Enjoy Battleground folks You've had a hard week, you deserve it.
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