Admittedly I read the spoilers after Tuesdays Smackdown taping, so I wasn't entirely unprepared for the plethora of daft booking decisions that were to follow, but it was still a bit of a shock to the system tae see it unfold with yer own eyes.
So you're on the WWE Creative team, and you put one of yer word titles on a guy, to the backdrop of one of the loudest pops in RAW history. The guy is already an established fan favorite, despite being pushed as an arrogant heel, and fans were almost feverish in anticipation for him finally winning that title. After he is forced out of action for 5 weeks, derailing his momentum somewhat, only to return a week before the next PPV where he will defend the aforementioned belt, how do you send him into that PPV? with one televised match to work with between now and that PPV, how would you send him in? you'd send him in as strong as possible eh? Of course ye would, you're a sound cunt. You have great judgement. Know who isnae a sound cunt? WWE Creative. As a collective they do not meet the requirement for "sound cunt" status.
But that's for later, the show started on a more positive note, with the emergence of my my personal hero, Sir Daniel of Bryan. He was the bearer of bad (or good depending on yer perception) news, as he revealed he was out there to bring Team Hell No to an end . Bringing an end to an era which was designed to bury both people involved in it. Turning the recently re-masked and supposedly more demonic than ever Kane, and recently dethroned World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan into joke figures. They made it work beyond what even the most optimistic fan could have imagined, and gave us some hilarious moments over the past 10 months, but that was that, their tea was oot. The segment ended with Bryan revealing that he felt Kane was the weak-link between the two, and Kane responded by attempting tae RIP Dans magnificent beard right oot his face, only for Randy Orton to save the day, as he'd be teaming with the recently split former tag champs for one last shot at beating The Shield in a 6 man. I know right, nae chance eh? why fuck with this air of invincibility The Shield have in 6 man tag matches, by making them lose to a team who will likely never have a tag match of any description together after Sunday?
Anyway, on to the actual wrestling show, with the wrestlin n that.
Sheamus vs Antonio Cesaro
A pleasant surprise of a match to start the show. These two had a couple of decent matches on RAW a couple of months back and its just nice to see Cesaro back to appearing regularly on tv. They were interrupted by the boy Damien Sandow first, who gleefully pointed out that Sheamus isnae very bright.
On with the match then, and it was an entertaining affair. A brutal exchange striking started us off, with Cesaro seemingly getting the upper hand when he clotheslined Sheamus to the outside, but he shouldnae have took it to the mean streets of Dublin Oirland, or some other vaguely offensive hing about irish people, as Sheamus caught Cesaro's crossbody attempt off the apron, and tossed him into the barrier. The Swiss Sensation recovered quickly though, and responded by driving Sheamus into the ring steps. When prompted afterwards, Sheamus described the move as "right sare" and no observers could have disagreed with that after seeing the big fucker of a cut on his back. They made their way back in to the ring, with Cesaro seemingly gaining the upper hand for good, but Sheamus rallied. His momentum was derailed by another belter of a lariat, as this one swung back and forth, but quite predictably Sheamus got the win with the Brogue Kick oota nae place. Cesaro looked strong though and that can only be a good thing going forward.
Also Sandow attacked Sheamus as he made his way up the ramp. Turning the heat on their feud right up, before it comes to a head on a fuckin pre-show before a B PPV.
A good match to start, and it was followed with that braw Wyatt Family promo from last week. So far so good WWE, try no tae fuck up this good feeling I've got going by making the rest of the show a shiter eh? Thank.....wait, widdye mean "naw"
Heath Slater vs Great Khali
Oh this is what ye meant....
Fuckin. Someone put these cunts out their misery please. 3MB are perhaps the most tragic group of jobbers in WWE History, I say that because 2 of them at least have potential to be much better (Jinder ma man, I dont get it..whits yer thing mate?) Slater can take a bump with the best of them, and was always entertaining when he had the One Man Band gimmick, and Mcintyre is from, so his work ethic and ability to absorb pain are obviously second tae naecunt. So whats the point? stop all this shite and cut them loose, or dae somethin worthwhile with them, because this is just shite.
As is the continued humiliation of The Great Khali. When you book a giant to lose to Heath Slater, you're expressly trying to humiliate the poor cunt. A fuckin waste of 5 minutes.No even worth describing the finish in more detail, suffice to say it was fuckin pish.Slater wins, Khali and the audience loses.
Big E Langston and Dolph Ziggler vs Jericho and Alberto Del Rio
The perfect antidote was provided next, with the return of Dolph Ziggler. Shouldnae be a problem to book him to win eh, it makes sense. Its perhaps the only outcome that makes sense, going into a title defence at a PPV , unless the champion was going to be dropping the belt at said ppv?
That's the outcome I fear, after the outcome of this match, which incase you hadnt guessed , wisnae a positive one for Zig.E and Biggler.
The match itself was excellent right enough, and was another very strong showing from Big E. I'm a fan, for a powerhouse like Langston to continually look very much at home against guys as naturally gifted as Jericho and Del Rio is impressive, for me he is a future World Champion.He was pretty much in there on his own in the early stages, with Dolph seemingly no quite ready to return, but Dolphs time would come. He was eventually tagged in after a period of Big.E dominance, and he looked like he'd never been away, but unfortunately he allowed Jericho to tag ADR in and then a series of fuckin utterly daft events led to ADR rolling up Ziggler for the pin . Didnae even make him tap to the cross ammreaker or anything, nae impact moves were involved, Dolph was just briefly distracted and when he turned roon, Del Rio rolled him up for the pin. Theres nae upside to this finish at all, unless burying Dolph Ziggler is an upside. If Del Rio wins the belt at Payback, thats me, I'm oot. Game over man!
All was not lost however as we still had Daniel Bryan an The Shield to come. Gies it, gies it noo. I need cleansing after that nonsense I just witnessed.
We didnae get it right away though, but we did get another fun wee promo with Heyman and Jericho. I really hope this match with him and Punk happens, because I love ma art so I dae, but I fear this is a total prick tease because its Punks hometown and his actual return will be at Summerslam where him and Daniel Bryan wrestle a bear, anyway where was I? aye..
Kaitlyn vs Aksana
Pointless screamin catfight pish. Casual observers watching this shite think this is what womens wrestling is about, thats the sad thing. Kaitlyn lost the plot and battered Aksana and the ref. Pointless. No contest.
Next was a segment involving The Miz, but it also had people who arent terrible, so lets review it anyway.
Wade Barrett vs Curtis Axel
The match didnae look like happening to begin with when Barrett asked Heyman if maybe him and Axel would be better leaving oot aw the grapplin until they meet for the IC Belt at Payback. Their repartee was interrupted by the Miz and I took advantage with having paused this earlier by fast forwarding right past his pish and intae the match. The match could have been good, but it was clearly designed to make Barrett look shite, and didnt last long, with the Intercontinetal Champion being pinned after a fuckin neckbreaker. Then The Miz appeared again and I took advantage of the remaining 5 minutes of scope for fast forwardin tae miss whatever occurred there.
Right before the 6 man between The Shield and Bryan, Orton and Kane started, we had another fucking wonderful Bray Wyatt promo, so surely the show was ending on a strong note, the match was pretty much guaranteed to be good, so nae problem right? Wrong.
The Shield vs Bryan, Orton and Kane
Nae point in even saying it was another cracking match. Its a moot point. It kicked off with Orton, Bryan and Kane dominating, making a point of utilising quick tags to appear like a cohesive unit for...some reason I dont get. The Shield took command though, with a particuarly juicy wee exchange between Ambrose and Bryan. Hopefully a wee preview to a future world title feud.We rolled on with The Shield dominating, looking like they were set to remain undefeated. I know their winning streak in 6 man tag matches had to come to an end, but here? on smackdown to a team they've beat on numerous occasions? While I see why it makes sense with regards to strengthening this brilliant Daniel Bryan push, I just cannae see the logic in booking The Shield to lose here. The pop for Bryan when he unleashed the usual mixture of kicks, dropkicks and aw manners of other amazing shit on Rollins was something special though, and the pop for when he made Rollins tap to the Yes lock was almost deafening.Another cracker of a match, but not the right finish for me, despite how much I enjoyed it personally.
Overall there's enough here for ye to enjoy, but if ye get intae an intense Tekken tournament or something and cannae make the time to watch it, it wouldnt be the most tragic thing. Main event aside of course, because it has Daniel Bryan in it and voluntarily missing anything he does is just plain mental.
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