I'll no tell ye any lies, RAW pushed a lot of my buttons last night(bad ones, no the ones that make my downstairs tingle), so this might have a wee negative feel to it, but I'll try n make it negative in a funny way, like a Frankie Boyle stand-up comedy set or suhin (he says fuck a lot, and insults audience members, but I'll only dae one of them ;))
Funnily enough, I really liked the way the night began. Not just because it began with the beacon of all that is good and pure in professional wrestling right, ma main man Daniel Bryan! I honestly cant remember a time a wrestler was more over than DBry is right now, at least since Austin. Rock was always popular, but there has still always been a percentage of any crowd that wisnae a fan. Foley was loved, but some didn't rate him as a wrestler (those people are wrong like, but thats a story for another day) Daniel Bryan is universally respect as a wrestler, and is a well loved character, meaning the pops he gets these days are almost deafening.
He comes out and cuts a promo on how he no longer believes he's the weak link, and that when the MITB match comes along, he's taking that briefcase. Nae danger. He's rudely interrupted by Sheamus, who reels out that "beat ye in 18 seconds" patter again, and slowly but surely 6 of the 7 competitors from the WWE Title MITB come out and cut promos (RVD was gonnae be there, but his dealer got some nice Blue Cheese in stock, and he's smoked up an ounce of it since Friday)
The last of the 6 to appear is the majestic muttonchopped CM Punk, he does RVD a huge favor by making sure to emphasise his role as the wild card in this match, something he really didnt have to do. DBry stops him mid promo though, declaring that he's had enough of this "best in the world" patter, and then somehow Orton RKO's Kane. A good promo to build heat between all 7 competitors for the match, something that is rare with MITB match, but it got a tiny wee bit messy. A solid start to the show though
The Shield vs The Usos and Christian
Another great idea, but the execution was a wee bit off. Having said that, I did really enjoy this wee re-match from Smackdown, just wasnt as good as that match for me. Cant stress enough how intae the Usos I am though, such a dynamic wee team, so easy to watch when they work together. Christian looks like he's never been away either, and has some excellent chemistry with Dean Ambrose, so I'm at hauf mast for when they finally meet in singles action. All in all a great wee match, looking forward to the Tag Titles match at MITB,might be the best one we've had in a long long time. The Shield avenge their Smackdown defeat, after Rollins interferes, and Ambrose rolls up Christian for the pin.
Dolph Ziggler vs Jinder Mahal
Gid tae see Dolph back in action, but I didnae understand the opponent tbh. Jinder Mahal is a total naecunt. Average wrestler, nae distinguishable personality. Dolph being the pro that he is, gives Jinder the best match of his time in WWE by a mile, but it all just felt pointless. Either of the other two 3MB members would have made this 10x better. One thing that seemed to be confirmed with Dolphs entrance is that rather than AJ and Big E adopting his new face persona, they've simply drifted apart. Sorry Nick ma man, we're no ready to be good guys just yet, but aw the best tae ye. I reckon a Big E vs Dolph feud is in the future right enough, and I look forward to that. Dolph wins with the zigzag, and then batters Heath and Drew aswell. Face Ziggler makes me hert happy so it does, face Ziggler with his belt back would have me floating on a cloud of gidness for the rest of my time on this planet. After knocking 3MB spark out, he stands on the announce desk and has a right gid shout. Shout away Dolph, you deserve it mate.
Kane vs Randy Orton (Daniel Bryan special guest ref)
I hated this as a wrestling match tbh, but I'll attribute some of that to the realisation that Daniel Bryans involvement meant he probably wouldn't have a match himself. For me it was a horrendously slow paced, turgid affair, that was thankfully brought to an end fairly early on when Bryan DQ'd Orton for having the gall to lay hands on him. Kane insists the match be restarted though, and we run through another few minutes of slow death, before the match ends for sure when Kane hits Orton with a big boot, and gets the win after a fast count from Bryan. The former tag champs have a wee set to in the ring, Kane unhappy that Bryan felt the need to "help" him, and it looked like he wis about to hit him with the Chokeslam, but he thinks better of it and gets himself up the road, telling some unsuspecting fans on the way up the aisle that he "just got a wee jacuzzi bath thing installed, and its high time i take that bad boy for a spin". Daniel Bryan does get that dose of neck trauma after all but, as Orton gets to his feet and hits the RKO.
Fandango vs Sheamus
Great to see Johnny Curtis back in action after injury, but I'm so dissapointed with that they've done with this gimmick. It struck the perfect balance between cheesy and a bit dark for a while there. He was over as fuck after the Y2J win, but for some reason, instead of keeping this "ruthless sand dancer" persona on the go, they've turned him into a prancing coward. The mean streak is gone, and you could see the finish in this one coming a mile away. I still expect Fandango to get a mid-card push, so it served no one to have him squashed here. The match was evenly matched enough, until Sheamus reeled oot that chest beating thing which inexplicably still gets a good pop. Fandango decided enough was enough and got himself counted out. Sheamus wins, Fandango made to look weak, not a fan of this ataw.
The Miz vs Ryback
Still have nae fuckin clue what to make of this. I loathe both of these cunts in equal measure I'd say, maybe The Miz a smidgen more, but I really didnae see this finish coming. Jericho is out to provide some commentary that isnae from the Planet Bawbag, so thats good. The match is a dire affair as you'd expect until 3 or 4 minutes in, when Ryback inexplicably waves the match off, due to a sore knee. Waving a match off is honestly something I cant ever remember seeing in wrestling, particularly not in these circumstances, when the guy who waved it off is supposed tae be some kind of unstoppable beast, and his opponent is such an insufferable cheeseball. Truly baffling. You have to wonder how this match at MITB with Jericho will go now, I assumed Jericho would put him over but after this? fuck knows. I dunno what to believe in anymore. Mibbe their match will be MOTN and they'll both retire on the spot, knowing it could never be topped. Or mibbe someone with half a brain will scrap it all together, cause it was a fuckin stupid idea fae the start. Jericho gaun from wrestling Punk at one PPV, to this clown at the next is like playing Real Madrid one week, and Albion Rovers the next. A whole other stratosphere.
We broke free of the malaise of confusion and dissapointment for another braw Mark Henry promo. Slightly ruined by the idiotic "what" chants from the crowd, daes a fuckin favor and wrap that shite eh America, the rest of the wrestling world has progressed considerably patter wise, fuckin catch up. Good promo though, and he ends it with a wee swearie, saying that he plans to "beat John Cenas ass" I like a wee RAW swearie here and there, reminds me of a simpler time, although he'll probably get his knuckles rapped for it.
CM Punk and Curtis Axel vs The Prime Time Players
I enjoyed a lot of this. Not for the wrestling, cause that was subpar for the most part, but I like this wee dynamic between Axel and Punk, with Heyman in the middle. Its a decent way to build Punk v Lesnar (which I can only assume will happen, despite Lesnar being too busy ploughing sable tae make in to RAW over the past 2 weeks) The match was laden with tag based shenanigans cause the Heyman guys just dont trust each other. Punk and Axel win, after Punk hits the GTS on Darren Young, and Axel tags himself in to get the pin. Punk isnae best pleased, and looks to be sizing Axel up for his own GTS in the near future.
Kaitlyn vs Alicia Fox
Hate hate hated this. Another Diva angle, which actually had potential, fuckin ruined by looks being brought into it. The match was terrible, and after Kaitlyn got the win, AJ appears, and fires a mocked up auld photo of Kaitlyn about 30 stone heavier on the titantron. Naw naw naw. Pish. Kaitlyns a perfect specimen if ye ask me, aw muscle, wae nae lack of hustle. Stop this shit now.
Ugh. Stephanie Mcmahon. There was a time that I wanted to stick my adolescent dick in her so bad, it led to a few sleepless nights. Just itchy ye know? whit does Triple H have that I dont? She almost killed my erection for her permanently with this fuckin awful promo with Vickie Guerrero. Just terrible. If you plan on watchin RAW, dae yersell a favour and skip past this.
Antonio Cesaro vs Cody Rhodes
Yass. Daft on both these guys, so this fair cheered me up. Wasnt so daft on the re-emergence of Jack Swagger, which indicated that Zeb will manage both him and Cesaro, but I'm still hoping for a feud between the two somewhere down the line. Match was too short I thought, but entertaining and most importantly, the kid Cesaro got the win with the neutralizer.
Next was just the worst thing. I just....I have no words. I know they have to promote this Divas reality show on E, but there are an infinite amount of better ways than whatever this wis. Absolute fuckin boke fest. Essentially the cast of the show had a bitching sesh backstage, and I didnae have a clue who half of them were. A fucking nonsense. Whoever wrote that shit, should be fuckin fired (aff a tall building)
John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio
Inexplicably this "champion vs champion" match was built up with VTs throughout the night, reminding us of all the great champions we've had in the past. People like Harley Race, Austin and Sting. Comparing John Cena and ADR to these legends. I am not a Cena hater by any means, I dont like how often he's been the champion, but he has been a good leader for the WWE, particularly in times where it was in the gutter (for example, when I first got back into wrestling after a brief period of mainlining LSD, he was feuding with Khali) but he is not in the same bracket as these guys. You have to know more than 6 moves to be even close, and you also have to be able to attempt a hurricanrana without powerboming yersell. Listen but, you could at least make a case for him, but Del Rio? fuck off, and never cease tae be fucking off.
The match was garbage, but I enjoyed the finish. Both Ziggler and Mark Henry made their way to ringside (the respective opponents of the two champs at MITB)Henry just kinda lurked about looking mean, but Ziggler actually got up on the ropes and called Del Rios name when he was going for his finisher, and Zigglers distraction gave Cena the opportunity to hit the AA and pick up the win.
Ziggler makes his way up the road looking smug as fuck for the second WWE TV show in a row, and thats a finish I dont think I'd ever get sick of really.
The show ends with Henry entering the ring and handing Cena his belt, it looked very much like he'd be handing him said belt via knocking him upside his napper wae it, but peace prevails. For now.
Overall, having skimmed through it a second time, not as terrible as I first thought, but it had some truly awful bits. When it was bad, it was really really fuckin bad, but enough good here to keep yer belly full. I give it 6 inverted atomic drops outta 10.
No comments:
Post a Comment