Is it over?
That was the question I asked myself as I awoke at 4.30am in a pool of sweat, because the last thing I remember was settling down to watch NXT, before Destination X was due to begin at 2am, so the only logical question was...Is it over?
You're probably thinking to yourself "he means Destination X..and yes, of course it is, its a 2 hour show, do the math dumbass" but that's not what I was asking. When Hulk Hogan is involved and I awake in a pool of sweat, unable to recall the last few hours I don't assume the wrestling show he's involved in is over, I assume its ALL over. Life as we know it has ceased to be. Hogan found the red button and demanded that Vince "make me an offer brother" and Vince thought he was bluffing, so he pushed it and now all that remains is me, my sweat soaked t-shirt and regret that the last wrestling event I was planning to watch was bested by Hulk Hogan killing everyone.
Imagine my relief when I realised I had just slept through it, and I could indeed sit down to watch the first TNA show I've actually been excited about seeing since starting to watch it again. If only for the Aries vs Roode re-match from last years event (when it was still a PPV) I only just seen that match for the first time a few days ago, and it was something special, so even without the belt at stake this time, I sensed something great from them again.They surely obliged.
First up was a relatively pointless Bully Ray promo. He's good on the mic, at times genuinely great but it shows how little heat the match between him and Sabin has that this is even required. He claims the aces and eights will destroy the MEM, and then he'll destroy Sabin. Here's one of the benefits of not watching live, as soon as he said "my wife...Brooke" I skipped forward 5 minutes and it was like it never happened. On with the wrasslin.
Austin Aries vs Bobby Roode (BFG Series Match)
Putting your best match on first can go one of two ways imo. Either the rest of the card sees it and gives the best they can in their matches making the rest of the card at least watchable, or it's so good that it peaks the fans interest in the show and rest of it becomes a haze of boring matches which should have been good, or poorly booked snorefests. This show unfortunately fell into the second category for the most part. I'm inclined to say it was worth it though, because the quality of this match was just so high. These are the two guys being wasted the most in TNA right now for me, as Roode went into this match without a point in the BFG series, and Aries had his push given to him and then shelved within a week when he was involved in the whole 'suicide' angle. When a struggling company has the audacity to reduce their two best wrestlers to the insignificant show opener, which acts as a precursor for all the other stupid crap they're forcing down your throat, you're inclined to think there may be no Sabin it (see what I did there? ho ho...if not it'll all become clear later) It was an outstanding match though, truly must see stuff. It was like living artwork at 100mph, you really couldn't take your eyes off it for a second. Five minutes goes by in what feels like milliseconds, before Aries hits the 450 splash and looks like picking up the quick win. Thankfully for us Roode kicked out, imagine only being given 5 minutes of this? That would be like being given a table a world renowned restaurant, but being told you could only stay for appetizers. The pace continues to be frenetic, and Aries hits a stunning suicide dive on Roode, who is to the right of the ring, so its not like Aries had a straight path. If he deviates even a centimeter from his target, he'd have broken his shoulder on the ringpost. We then go in to an enchanting display of mat wrestling. The crossface from Roode is turned into a pin by Aries, then thats reversed, and they make it to their feet before Roode goes for the backslide, once again Aries kicks out and in a heartbeat he has hit a picture perfect DDT. That in itself told a story, and it was barely 15 seconds of action. Then a series of counters as both men try to hit their finishers, before Aries finally prevails by hitting the brainbuster and getting the pin; giving him 7 BFG points. I honestly cant believe it was only 10 minutes, to fit that much quality into such a short time period is unbelievable. Hats off to them both.
Roode has a brief meltdown after the match, and throws some stuff around. This is ok with me for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it takes his character down a darker path, something he is probably needing at this stage, and secondly, he managed to get Jeremy Borash' chair into the ring, breaking it in the process. That means Jeremy Borash doesn't get to sit down for the rest of the show, which is good because Jeremy Borash doesn't deserve to sit down. Be better at your job, then you might be allowed a chair.
Next up a promo involving Hernandez. If this is your first time reading my Impact reviews, you wont know how much I despise him, so I'll fill you in once more. I despise Hernandez....a lot. Nice to see Homicide though, and the tension between him and Chavo is interesting enough, they'll both be involved in X Division tournament matches later in the night.
Homicide vs Petey Williams vs Sonjay Dutt
Super excited to see Petey Williams here, and the other two I suppose, but Petey is an artist. The Canadian Destroyer is such a gravity defying move, I have to re-watch it at least 5 or 6 times every time I see it. The match was great. I think it would have been better as Petey vs either of the other two as opposed to a triple threat, but it was enjoyable stuff all the same. Sonjay hits a couple of beautiful hurricanranas in the middle, before there are some interesting exchanges between the 3. Homicide hitting a diving headbutt as Petey has Sonjay in some form of leglock. Sonjay gets the win when he hits the moonsault double foot stomp. Deservedly so too, he was by far the standout performer in the match, despite my leanings towards Petey.
Manikcide vs Kenny King vs Chavo
This was ok I suppose. The Manik gimmick is endlessly stupid though, we all know who TJ Perkins is, let him wrestle as himself or re-package him as something better than just a slightly modified Suicide. It was a good enough match, but why is Chavo involved? he must be at least in his mid 50s by now. Hardly X division standard. King and Manik have some engaging enough exchanges, and once again the most impressive man in the match prevails as Manik hits the double underhook gutbuster to book his place in the X Division tournament final.
At this point I'm still thinking it was a little bit short sighted to put Aries and Roode first, but everyone else was certainly doing enough to make this enjoyable. Ultimately if TNA can ever be "saved" it rivalries like Aries v Roode, and a thriving X Division which will be the catalysts behind it. So in terms of pulling Impact out of this rut of confusion and Hogan fuelled frustration, these were promising sings.
Ugh. Main Even Mafia promo backstage. Just when I was feeling really positive about TNA. Listen Rampage Jackson, I dont care if you're "getting ready to knock somebody out" You aren't a pro wrestler. You aren't involved in this for any other reason than acting work drying up and you being too old to win UFC matches. Go away. Its followed by a Hogan pep talk towards Sabin, and Sabin just looks bored throughout. Dont blame you buddy(or should I say "brother?" naw I definitely shouldn't)
Now a main event mafia promo in the ring. I know to review this effectively, I should really approach it with an open mind, but I just don't care about it. I'm sorry, but I cant bring myself to give a damn. This could quite easily have been a decent Stable vs Stable feud if executed properly, but its been a malaise of half hearted promos and confusion, so I'm afraid when you tossed Rampage Jackson into the mix, you lost my interest for good. They all have a turn each on the mic, before going to look for Aces and Eights backstage, but there's a ruse afoot! The Aces and Eights lure the MEM into a room and lock them in, before Kurt Angle is bundled into the back of a pickup truck by Bully and driven away. Bully shouts "you know where to take him"...hopefully it's happier place, where he doesn't have to be involved in such a poorly executed, borderline stupid storylines.
Rubix vs Rockstar Spud vs Greg Marascuilo
Rockstar Spud is British, so I really should have wanted him to win. I didn't though, because he's a bit of a dick. Decent wrestler, but I want to punch him repeatedly. Greg Marascuilo used to be Trent Baretta in WWE, making him the king of wrestling names that no one will remember. The match was passable. Marascuilo was by far the most impressive of the three, hitting a particularly nice dive over the top rope on spud. He got the win after pinning Spud. Continuing this slightly strange trend of the outstanding performer winning every match. Not a bad trend, but odd all the same.
Bully on the phone. Talking about Rampage knocking Wes Brisco out, as he's filmed through an inch of a gap in the door. I don't even know what this was. Other than my unbridled joy at the idea of Wes Brisco being knocked out, I cant see any reason for this and it hurt my brain a little bit. Angle is to be made an offer he won't refuse. Probably an offer for his immediate release.
Ahh Mickie James. How I love you. She cuts a fun promo, claiming that events of last week will go down in Knockouts history, but she isn't talking about the Gail Kim ladder match, she's talking about a live performance of some of her music. Gail emerges looking sublime, and they have a short verbal and finally physical brawl. A fun segment which made sense, unlike most of the other promo work in the night so far.
Bully Ray vs Chris Sabin (TNA Title Match)
Its never a good thing when you want a man to win a world title match because you feel the current champion just isn't relevant enough to carry the company anymore. Sabin is not the right man to lead TNA into a better era, but he is certainly deserving of this shot, and at least the chance to re-legitimise the title with some great matches. Promo wise it all feels very raw from him, and considering he is a seasoned veteran at this stage, that would indicate he just doesn't have it in him to cut a great promo. That's no affliction though, some people are just born to perform in the ring, and that is something Sabin is better than most at. The match isn't great, but I'd say that's more to do with Bullys limits as a singles wrestler. He worked hard to get himself in shape and to earn this run with the belt, but he doesn't have enough to carry it for much longer. Having said that I certainly didn't see this being the night where his reign ended.There is a particularly brutal exchange of kicks and slaps at the beginning, with Bullys slaps leaving Sabins chest red raw. Sighs all round as the Aces and Eights emerge from the back to attack Sabin, a man who must be half the weight of their leader. Way to make a champ look strong eh, him needing 7 friends to beat up a guy with two bad knees. They are chased away by the MEM though, who have a sponsorship deal with their suit retailer that required them to be seen at least 3 times on every show wearing them. All of this draws focus from the match, and leads to the audience losing interest, but basically the match is Bully targeting Sabins knee. That's it. Then Mr Anderson passes him a hammer, before the whole thing falls apart, and the melee between Aces and Eights and MEM ensues. Bully drops the hammer, Sabin picks it up, and when Bully gets him up for a powerbomb, Sabin cracks him with the hammer and gets the pin to become the new TNA Champ. Ref was down for the whole hammer segment btw, I can't remember why exactly, but I assume it was something to do with the insufferable turgid nonsense that the match had been until that point.
Overall a far more entertaining affair than a normal Impact. With Aries vs Roode being the obvious standout, but some of the X Division stuff was great too. I won't say too much negative about the Sabin title win, because its a great moment for him and he deserves it, but he won't have it for long. I give the show 5 knife edge chops outta 10. At least 7 based on the wrestling alone, but it was dragged down by largely awful promo work.
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