Know suhin? I briefly considered waitin tae I sober up, and look it over again before I done this review. Like I thought tae mysell "I'm duty bound by professionalism tae dae this right!" but theres nae righter way tae dae it than the way I'm going tae do it now. Heid thumpin, but fulla the fuckin joys. Shall we begin? lets eh.
The evening begins wae Vikcie Guerrero up a ladder. I'm ladder daft right. It's my favourite stipulation and always has been, so despite the presence of that knicker sniffin sweat receptacle Brad Maddox, I enjoyed this enough no tae want tae kill mysell. Vickie announces some braw matches, namely the opener which was an absolute fuckin stoater...why i hear you ask?
Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus
Daniel Bryan is why. Daniel Bryan is a fuckin magician is why. Daniel Bryan is perhaps the greatest in ring performer of all time. Thats no me gettin a bit excited, that's just how I see it. He could have a match wae a plastic bag tied tae a coathanger and It would be scintillating. This here is whit should have opened WM 28. A great match. No a daft fuckin gimmick designed tae bury DBry...let them wrestle ffs. I cared about Sheamus during this man...fuckin Sheamus. Bryan won cleanly anaw, which was nothing short of perfection. Stauner.
The first Wyatt promo of the night. Wonderfully done. A reporter supposedly lookin for the boys and being pointed in the right direction. I don't think he's lookin for 3 wrestlers, i think he's lookin for people. That's the seed which has been planted wae these promos. It felt real.
Rollins and Reigns vs Tons of Funk
This was ok. I wisnae mad at it, but ye have tae wonder why it wisnae The PtP, or even Primo n Epico. A tag team. No just two guys who were made tae ditch proper badass gimmicks cause Vince thinks dancing fat men are funny. Aye but, Rollins and Reigns obviously win, Reigns gets the pin after the spear.
Next up was Cena doing that stupid thing again. Know the wan? where he tries to be funny? Look, i respect Cena for his dedication tae bettering himself throughout his career, but yer never gonnae be funny ma man. Stop that shit. Mark Henry is but. Mark Henry is funny even cutting heel promos and being as intense as humanly possible. Another captivating piece of work fae Henry, ending in the Worlds Strongest Slam. Giving him the belt on Sunday is the right move but it wont happen. I just cannae see it. If Dolphs tae get the belt back, and Dbry wins the Raw MITB, there has tae be a lull somewhere, and i cannae allow mysell to think either of the first two things wont happen.
Curtis Axel vs Chris Jericho
Crackin match. Axel gets on the mic before it starts and he's really no very good at that, no yet anyway. He is really very good at being a wrestler but. The boys gie us about 8 minutes of unerring perfection, before Jericho kinda fucked the codebreaker for the win, giving Axel his first singles loss as a Paul Heyman guy.
A wee backstage promo with all the Smackdown MITB competitors. I liked this anaw, it wis good fun, and it ended with Fandango gettin knocked out by Barrett. I'm Johnny Curtis daft, but this current version of his gimmick is a cunt I widnae get sick punchin.
Another Wyatt promo. At this point I'm fuckin feverish for it. This time its Luke Harper leading the "reporter" through a creepy as fuck wee house. He leads us to Bray Wyatt. Bray welcomes the reporter in. He's been expecting you. We've been expecting him.
Sin Cara vs Alberto Del Rio
This was actually great. You can tell these two have good chemistry in there, this is why Sin Cara was signed. He's had his ups and downs, but the boy can go. His work over the past year has been much much better, more than worthy of at least a mid-card push. The bold Mr Ziggler appears and gets on the mic, distracting ADR in the process. I cannae remember exactly how this finished with regards to the decision, but I'm fairly certain Sin Cara won by DQ. Dont ask me how it happened but. Steamin.
I'll no waste too much of yer time explaining this next segment. Basically Vickie had a job evaluation and got fired fae being GM. Triple Hs mouth is where gid patter goes tae die. Hated this pointless pish. Brad Sweattocks is the new GM, for some fuckin reason.
Kane vs Christian
It finally happened! fuck the match. it was awrite, but fuck it. Kane wins then it all goes dark. The best kind of dark. The kind of dark where naebdy can see my raging stauner for this shit. Light illuminates the dark eventually, the light comes fae a wee lantern, the lantern is attached tae a Bray Wyatt. Bray sits on that rocking chair, lantern in hand. Watching. Plotting. Then outta naeplace Erik Rowan and Luke Harper knock the living fuck outta Kane. Leathering him wae steel steps in the process. This was it. Perfect. Nothing too high profile, but a well worked debut. perfectly executed. Keeps ye wondering whits next. Will this be their thing? are they gonnae knock Kanes cunt in every week? will they change it up? I could see Kane joining them ye know. Being brainwashed and becoming one of them. That would be braw.
A Ryback and Vickie Guerrero segment. Ryback being nice. Whit?
CM Punk vs Randy Orton
I'll try no tae whinge too much, because I really liked the match. It was great, but like most Orton matches it didnae tell me a story. I ken im gibbering about stories a lot lately, but this just felt like going through the motions some of the time. Orton can have great matches when he buys in, and I dont think he was fully intae this. I get the feeling that these two dont get on, and it showed at times. I'm honestly convinced that armdrag that Punk dodged was purposely to make Orton look like a fanny, and I applaud the great man for it. So aye. Good match, and great tae see Punk win cleanly with the GTS. This is one thing I like, Orton putting folk over clean because it makes sense. I tip my hat tae ye for that Randall.
The evening ends as it begun. With Daniel Bryan knocking someones teeth oot. This time its Punk! See this, this is whit its all about. If they have a long rivalry and the belt is the centerpiece of it, I could fuckin die happy. Magic.
Overall an absolutely stoating RAW. Only lull for me was the Vickie/McMahon's segment, the rest of it was near perfect. Infact naw. It was perfect. Staunin tae attention for this shit throughout, so I gie it 15 knife edge chops outta 16.
It's been a pleasure having ye. Have a safe journey home. Love you x
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