I'll start this wae a wee disclaimer of sorts, by saying that I don't really know much about TNA. Until maybe 2 months ago, I last watched it regularly around 2010-2011 time, so in terms of recent history, I ken the essentials but there's some knowledge gaps.
For my sins I've recently got back intae it, partly cause my love for wrasslin has been stronger than ever recently, and also at the end of the day its still wrestlin, underneath aw the half told stories and downright confusion. There's always something in every show that makes me go "well if they did more of this, it might not be in such a mess" Prime example being that 7-8 minutes of Aries vs Sabin on Impact a couple of weeks ago, easily the best in terms of pure wrestling I'd seen all year, yet even during it there was a power of fuckin stupid storyline shite going on around the ring.
I'm no saying what I'm about to write would necessarily work, nor am I saying I know how tae run a wrestling company. I dont, I'm just a cunt that's awrite wae words, and this wee collection of ideas on how to get TNA back on track has been floating about my heid for ages now, so why not jot it down.
Step 1 - Gut The Roster
I know It's been gutted in a bad way recently, with talented people being released, but the first thing I'd do is weed out the impostors. Firstly cunts that just cannae wrestle. Get them to fuck. Hernandez, Jay Bradley, they two Jersey Shore lookin cunts, Garrett "couldnae sell a tenner bag to a smackhead" Bischoff, Wes "looks like a smackhead" Brisco and Rob Terry. Fuds like that can take thersells tae fuck immediately. Then I'd have a sit down with all the midcard veterans and WWE rejects and see where their heads at at. Talented guys who might not be fully invested in making the company better, ie Mr Anderson, Luke Gallows, Chavo and even D-Von to a degree. Get them in and pick their brains, you'll be able to tell within 2 minutes if any of them give a fuck. Release the ones who dont. Anyone who has publicly stated their desire to return to WWE (Angle aside) can get to fuck aswell. Oh and Jeff Hardy, sorry pal, but if you think its acceptable to show up at any show so aff yer tits ye cannae walk straight, you don't deserve to be a wrestler. You're welcome to fuck off anaw.
Step 2 - Finalise a small, talent rich roster on short term contracts
For me the roster would look like this.
Singles - Heavyweight Title
Bobby Roode
Samoa Joe
Austin Aries
Kurt Angle
AJ Styles
Magnus
Singles - X Division
Chris Sabin
Alex Shelley
Noam Dar (I ken, I'm a dreamer ;))
Chris Daniels
Kazarian
Kenny King (he's looked ok in the matches I've seen anyway, certainly has potential)
Tag Division
Beer Money
Motor City Machine Guns
Dudleys
Bad Influence
As simple as that. I know Alex Shelley isn't currently signed to TNA (a fact he'll probably be thankful of right now) and Noam Dar is just a wee wildcard, but he'd enhance that division no end. The tag division used to be fucking outstanding, and that was because of those four teams so anytime Roode isnt in the TNA Title picture, have him back with James Storm. You'd probably struggle to convince Bully that his future is back in the tag division, but for me, that's what he'll always be, one of the best tag wrestlers of all-time. I respect the shit out of him for getting his body in shape and making himself a valid singles wrestler, and at least right now a deserving TNA Champ, but he's older now and for me cant be the company's top heel any more. Every single man I listed in the Heavyweight Title bit is more than capable of doing that job (maybe aside from Angle but ye need a veteran in the picture at least and Angle still has a good 5 years of top quality matches in him) and they need to be trusted to do it.
Also get rid of the fuckin TV Title. Not required with a short roster anyway, maybe re-introduce it if the company manages to expand and there's a space for it, but right now there isnae so flush it down the pan.
AJ Styles is on the list, but he's another I'd have to ask where his head's at. I hope its just him selling this weird loner gimmick he has right now, but some of his in-ring work since I've been watching again has been sloppy as fuck. The sign of a talented man who has chucked it in. Cut the hair, and get back to doing what you do best. Wrestling.
Step 3 - Set the Hogans on fire
I jest but if the rumours that these fuckin soul sucking parasitic blonde bastards have guaranteed deals are true, then sit them down and tell them they're on gardening leave forever. They'll have nothing to do with the company from this day forward and they can either see out their contracts doing fuck all, or accept a pay-off. The knockouts dont need a fucking chief, and they certainly dont need a chief who couldnt point out Madusa in a line-up. Cunts like Bischoff, Rampage Jackson, and any other cunt who is in it for the wrong reasons. Go away.
Step 4 - Start from scratch storyline wise
You might lose some loyal viewers briefly, but for me this is more required than any other step. Fuckin completely obliterate the current storylines. Even the good stuff, lose it all because its so fucking confusing right now its no real. Any good wrestling show should be able to welcome casual viewers for a couple of hours and not have them wondering whit the fucks going on. I've been back watching TNA for 6-7 weeks and there's STILL half arsed, barely told stories from months earlier being revived on a weekly basis. Nope. No more. Aces and Eights/MEM GONE. Any angle involving anyone getting married that isnae ODB/Eric Young GONE. The whole fuckin lot of it goes, You tell yer audeince that tae. Tell them to think of this as a new start, everything you see is brand new, like the past year or so didnae happen. Only the good stuff like Aries vs Roode remains, the rest of the shit is GONE. A new start, based on storied rivalries between people who have good wrestling chemistry. Vacate all 3 titles, and have tournaments to decide new champions (For me it would be Roode, Sabin and Bad Influence) and we start from there.
Step 5 - Congratulate the Knockouts
Live on tv too. Well done for giving a lot of people a reason to tune in. Battling through the stigma of having the cast-iron jawed daughter of Hulkamania as your "leader" to continue to improve yourselves and have great matches. Hats off to the fuckin lot of them man. The only thing about TNA right now that you could sell exactly the way it is to another company. WWE could buy the knockouts division right now and it would blow the current crop of Divas out the water. Add in a wee bit of Beth Pheonix and Natalya and its perfect. Looking for new talent? Scotlands got a few crackers waitin in the wings tae ;) Oh and re-instate Victoria right fucking now. If not as an active wrestler, make her the head of the knockouts.
Step 6 - Sort out the "voices" of your company
By that I mean the commentators, ring announcers and backstage interviewers etc. For me, aside from maybe Mike Tenay, they all have to go. Christy Hemme can maybe stay as long as we dont continue dressing her like a tart fae a different film every week, but for me ye need someone with a voice that projects better than hers does.Last but not least, there should be a new GM. Someone who is universally respected and wont steal spotlight. That should undoubtedly be Sting. Make him head booker anaw if he wants the job, but if not. He's the figurehead of your company. It starts with him, and the rest is just talent doing what it does best.
Step 7 - The Final Step, have a "re-birth"
An event that will live long in the memory. Run it on the same day as a WWE PPV too, but make it earlier. Have it finishing just as the WWE PPV starts, because people who were going to be sitting down to watch wrestling that night anyway will likely give it a go. Give them something to remember, something that will make them tune back in next week. For me it would look like this.
Final of X-Division Tournament
Chris Sabin vs Alex Shelley (ladder match)
Give it 20-25 minutes at least. Sabin wins
Knockouts Title Match
Mickie James vs Gail Kim (2 out of 3 falls with 30 minute time limit, have Mickie tap just after the time limit has elapsed, keeping the title)
Noam Dar vs Kurt Angle (an education for Noam and a passing of the torch a wee bit)
Magnus vs AJ Styles (number one contenders match for the TNA Title, as they were the beaten semi finalists in the TNA Title tourney)
Tag Title Match
The Dudleys vs Bad Influence
No real stip, other than it being a tornado tag.
TNA Title Tournament Final
Bobby Roode vs Austin Ares (90 minute iron man match)
I only just recently seen their match at Destination X last year, but it was fuckin artwork. 28 minutes went by like it was 28 seconds, so why not double it? neigh, why not fuckin treble it and make it an iron man match that will go down in history? This match for me would turn casual observers intae lifelong fans. Give them that feeling. Give them something that the following WWE PPV couldnae hope to live up to. Give them two great wrestlers telling a fucking tear inducing story for an hour and a half. For me, I'd have Roode win it 3-2, with the final pinfall coming 5 minutes before the end of the 90 minutes, giving Aries 5 minutes of frantic brutal offense to try to level it up but have Roode keep on kicking out.
So aye, that might be a lot of shite, but its been in my heid for ages and needed oot. I hope TNA can recover somehow, but I just cannae see it, too many involved not working for the greater good of the company.
Huv a blessed day ya bunch of shaggin bastards yees x
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