Considering the fact that I struggled to haud a pen earlier when i signed for a package will tell ye just how difficult its been tae fight through this hangover tae write a coupla wrasslin reviews. ICW was easy enough, cause of adrenelaine, but this will be a true struggle. I dont suffer through this for the good of my health mate, I dae it cause I love ye.
The show begins with my favourite thing. Ladders right away, nae messin aboot. It was of course the Smackdown MITB match, which was surprsingly all heels. Intriguing stuff right away err, well as intriguing as anything can be that involves the human sleeper hold Jack Swagger.
Cesaro vs Ambrose vs Rhodes vs Swagger vs Sandow vs Barret vs Fandango
Hugely entertaining spotfest this one. As much as I cannae go Swagger, he was part of my two favourite spots (although I'm sure they were big Cesaros idea) the first of which was them haudin each end of a ladder, while Amborse stood in the middle and reached up for the briefcase, but eventually they tossed him oot the ring. With no ladder in the ring, Ceasro then proceeded to climb on Swaggers shoulders and try to re trieve the briefcase that way but yer man Cody Rhodes put a stop tae aw that hilarious shit. Its a hell entertaining affair, and it looks like its about to end wae Cody Rhodes finally breaking out of the seemingly eternal hell in the midcard hes been in for about 15 year, but just as it looks like he has had a bit of a face turn and is about tae grab the briefcase, his tag partner Damien Sandow knocked him aff the ladder and grabbed it himself. Match was an 8 out of 10, bumped up tae a 9 for creative sleekitness. Sandow wins.
Suffering fuckin christ man. I've said this a few times, but I only re-iterate cause of how absolutely certain I am of this. Brad Maddox stalks his auld high school crush. I'm tellin ye. On the facebook, the twitter even the aul tumblr, he's up in her shit. Whit a creepy wee sweaty man. Him being in a position of prominence in WWE right now is confusing as fuck. A weird promo with Vickie which I only half watched tbh. Yuck.
Curtis Axel vs The Miz (IC Title Match)
I'll gie The Miz credit first and foremost, this is the best he's looked in ring wise for a long time. In a singles match anyway, he played his part in a coupla storming triple threat matches lately. I'm still no a fan of the cunt but, especially as a face, he reminds me of Martin oot the Simpsons, cept wae a fatter mare yellow heid. Match was proper gid though, and The Miz actually got a Figure 4 locked in that vaguely resembled a figure 4 as we'd ken it. Paul Heyman was ejected anaw after Miz pretended he's been struck by him, so that was fairly amusing. Axel retained with that weird reverse neckbreaker thing he does.
AJ vs Kaitlyn (Divas Title Match)
This wasnt as good as their Payback match for me, but it was still a braw encounter. I really fuckin dig gid womens wrestling man. On so many levels. First and foremost, its just gid wrestlin, but also its people wae aw they lovely lassie parts daein it. Kaitlyns got that herd boaby I'm intae, and Ajs just a wee cutey. Fawning err aw the lassies aside, the match was entertaining enough and AJ won with the Black Widow submission thing that I just cannae go ataw, looks like it has nae leverage tae it ataw.
Ryback vs Chris Jericho
Ryback can take his fuckin man titted, cross eyed monstrosity of a boady and take it tae fuck man. Fuckin gargle aw the bawsacks ya prick ye. Just a total boring naecunt who shouldnae be allowed to continue ruining PPVs. He isnae a completely terrible wrestler, but he's no very good either, and if ye can wrestle Y2J and not look brilliant, somethin is very wrong. He fuckin won anaw, can ye believe that pish? I know Jericho is a sound cunt, and he's puttin everyone over during this run, but he should have drawn the line at this haufwit. Ryback steals the win wae the roll-up. Bleugh.
Dolph Ziggler vs Alberto Del Rio (World Heavyweight Title Match)
The finish here fuckin bugged the tits aff me, so the match itself would have to be great to get pass marks. Luckily it was, but perhaps luckily is the wrang word, cause there is really nae luck involved when it comes to the quality of Dolph Zigglers work. A perfectionist when he gets in that sqaured circular canvassy hing. Del Rio also fuckin kills it anaw. When he is given the right opponent, Del Rio is one of the better ones in the cimpany, but the fact that he needs a great opponent to bring it out in him says to me that he shouldnae be in this position right now. A proper Ziggler run would get the WH Belt in the same league at the WWE Title imo. Ziggler hits the fameasser, but ADR kicks out, and the match wears on fae there, Ziggler is in the ascendency, but oot comes that wee daft loonball AJ tae skip roon the ring. She then inexplicably leathers ADR with the Divas belt, and Ziggler gets DQ'd. Totally senseless shiter of a finish for me. So many other ways to split him and AJ up definitively, and this is by far the worst yin for me, aside fae like...murdering wan of them or something. Its a close second to murder, we'll leave it at that.
John Cena vs Mark Henry (WWE Title Match)
Seen some mixed reviews for this, and again I'll say, I didnt like the finish, but the match iself was surprisingly engaging to me. Considering I watched this with the hungover attention span of a coked up ADHD sufferer, it kept me interested. Really brutal at times, with Mark Henry working properly stiff on more than one occasion. That move he done where he dropped Cena ribs first on the steel steps was a fuckin sare yin. Looked to be on the road to his first WWE Title but like most Cena matches, he of course had a bit turnaround. Kicked out of the Worlds Strongest Slam at 2, and then hit the AA only for Sexual Chaclat tae kick oot at 2 anaw. Cena eventually won with a sloppy as fuck STF. Such is life eh.
Chrsitian vs Randy Orton vs Rob Van Dam vs Daniel Bryan, vs CM Punk vs Sheamus (RAW MITB match)
Bit of a theme emerging here, but once again..loved the match, no so keen on the finish. I really enjoyed the start though. RVD comes out to a great pop, and gets himsell ready to do that thing he does when he points to his back and says his name (is his name even on his back btw? who knows) but the other 5 combatants decide they cannae be arsed hearing it, and decide to boot fuck out him instead. The match had some top quality spots so it did, my personal favourite was the brutal fall Sheamus had which sent him through the ladder on the outside of the ring. Total sare yin. RVD hitting the frog splash aff the ladder was great aswell, and so was the RKO off the ladder Orton hit. No one was a let down here, although I thought some of RVDs work was a bit sloppy, I expected worse. Just when the match looks to be heading for the result everyone expected with Daniel Bryan winning, fuckin Curtis Axel comes oota naeplace and smashes DBry with a a chair, in what looked like an act which was on the behalf of fellow Paul Heyman guy CM Punk. CM Punk dont need no help but, he aint havin that! and he catches Axel with the GTS on the way up the ramp. Whilst he wisnae pleased with how the opporunity came about, Punk isnae daft and realised Axels actions had given him a great chance to get up that ladder himself and get the briefcase. Heyman comes rushing out to supposedly shout at Axel, and encourage Punk, but you guessed it, its a fuckin DOUBLE CROSS. As Punk scales the ladder, Heyman grabs another ladder in the ring and starts flingin it right at Punk. We aw knew it was coming, but for me this was perfect timing. Cannae fuckin wait for Punk vs Lesnar now. Sadly this cracking wee double cross meant that the apex predaviper guy Randy Orton, him that punts people in the temple, had a clear path to climb up the ladder and win the RAW MITB match. Sigh.
Didnae watch it live, and I reviewed it badly hungover so perhaps it wisnae tinged with the same magic that it widda been if these were live reflections, but listen, I battled hard tae get this done cause I love ye, and want ye to be happy. Overall it was a good show, only shite match was the Ryback v Y2Jaffair, but because I'm a daft wee fanboy, I'll gie it 7/10 cause I didnae liked some of the finishes.
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