The night began with a match. No seriously, I widnae lie to ye. It did. Really, look below, I review said match and aw sorts.
Sheamus vs Damien Sandow
I prefer wrestling shows to start with a match. Nae bullshit, nae chronic patter, just fighting. This particular match was indeed a "fight", specifically a "Dublin Street Fight" between Sheamus and Damien Sandow. If yer wondering how a Dublin Street Fight differs fae a normal street fight, it apparently means we paint some fuckin kendo sticks green, and stick kiddy on wee beer taps around the outside. My wee naive hert dreams of a Sandow win, but I know its no on the cards. The match is awrite I suppose, I've never hated Sheamus, but I've never really had any desire tae see him leather anyone with a beer barrel, and having seen it occur, I could have been daein withoot it. I got a bit bored early on tbh, this match wasnt particularly creative if you compare it to the Orton vs Bryan streetfight on RAW. They really just picked up objects and tossed them at each other for the most part. Sandow sets up a chair in the corner, but before he can utilise it, he gets his melt panned in by the arse end of a bar stool. The pace picks up, and the match is actually very brutal. A sign of WWEs continued emergence from the PG era. Nae blood, but this shit was violent. Sandow breaks one of yer green kendo sticks intae a million wee bits over Sheamus' back, but Sheamus rallies of course. He had tae. Fuckin Sheamus. Sick of yer pale coupon ma man, dont hate ye or that, but yer auld hat. Sick ae it. He knocks Sandow on to some chairs he had set up, then kicks him with the brogue kick. Bleugh. Sheamus wins
Next up was a promo between Curtis Axel and The Miz. Heyman of course talking on behalf of Axel. The Miz engaging in verbal warfare with Paul Heyman is like Cena challenging Rey Mysterio tae a Hurricanrana contest. Fuckin doomed fae the start. Miz starts wae his awesome shtick, before Axel blacks his eye for him, as such, I liked this segment.
AJ Lee vs Natalya
Aside fae that daft segment with Stephanie Mcmahon, I've really enjoyed this wee feud between AJ and Kaitlyn. Know what else is good? Natalya having wrestling matches, cause she's fuckin magnificent. Gid wrestler, and a tight boady. This whole thing is fulla tight boadys, even Big E is lookin nae bad in that onesie. Before the match starts, Kaitlyn emerges to AJs theme music, whilst mimicking AJ hilariously. Returning the favor after AJ done the same to her on RAW. Kaitlyn stoats room the ring doing the wee AJ skipping routine, and distracts her enough for Natalya to roll her up for the win. Gid stuff all round. Natalys pinning the Divas champ, the whole segment just being entertaining, and also Kaitlyn hit AJ with the spear before departing. No tae sound lit a pervert or that, but lassies spearing other lassies is some hawt shit. Natalya wins.
Next up is a hilarious wee segment between Teddy Long and Vince Mcmahon. I like this funny shit. Both just saying Fandango over and over. Why did I like this so much? Am I jist in a gid mood?
Kane vs Randy Orton
YAAAAAAAAAASSS. Daniel Bryan on commentary. If you haven't heard the commentary he done on Saturday Morning Slam a while back about bears, fuckin google it NOW. If you already loved Daniel Bryan (and you should) you'll love the wee cunt on a whole other level. The match is quite boring if im honest, not terrible, but nothing to get the juices flowing really. Daniel Bryan is a better commentator than every commentator in the world put together maybe, awrite maybe im getting a bit excited, but he's good. Bryan is encouraging his ex tag partner Kane throughout, and even gets up to help him back into the ring when the big red machine finds himself on the outside but unfortunately he pushed his auld pal right intae the RKO, and Orton gets the win.
Daniel Bryan goes up the aisle with a wry wee smile on his magnificent coupon, which indicates that there was method to his madness when he shoved Kane intae the ring. I'm a bit gutted because I assume he isnae actually going to be wrestling on this show, but hey, he cannae be on every show right? the world just isnae that kind.
Ryback vs Justin Gabriel
Ryback seems to be back where he belongs, squashing jobbers and being irrelevant. YASS. Away and take a running fuck tae yersell bawbag. Ryback of course wins...so fuck.
Jericho then emerges to have a wee word with his opponent at MITB. This match harshes my buzz somethin fierce man, why not book a nae hoper haddy like Sheamus tae stink the ring up wae Ryback, and put Jercho where he belongs in the MITB ladder match? But such is life, Jericho rushes the ring and attacks at seemingly hobbled Ryback, and tries to put him in the Walls of Jericho, but much to everyone on the planets displeasure, he disnae get it locked in. Ryback scurries away.
The Shield vs The Usos and Christian
This match is just bawdeep in amazin. I'm Usos daft, so I'm loving the fact that they're getting this push. Good wrestlers man. They seem to be in infinite supply right now, so why not just have them aw wrestle each other eh? Nae shite. nae Great Khali, nae Ryback, nae Miz, nae R-Truth. Theres nae call for this turgid shite anymore. Dean Ambrose gives me a stealthy wrasslin boner. Absolutely solid fur it. At one point he's kncoking fuck out of Christian while screaming "you know you're a nitwit!" at him in this most demonic way, fuckin intense. This match was a fucking topper, and has the interesting wee shock of The Usos and Christian winning, after some frenetic action, which included some fuckin wonderful dives to the outside from the Usos, and finally a death defying dive/flip thing from Seth Rollins. Ambrose is distracted by this and Christian hits the spear for the win. Disappointing that he was the one to be pinned, but still a braw match. Excellent.
The night ends with a Fiesta for Del Rio. My main problem with this shit, is fuck Del Rio. Fuck him and his stupid fuckin vacant mush. He declares hes only gonnae speak Spanish, and thank fuck for that, means we dont need tae listen tae the cunt ramble on.He unfortunately switches back to English, before switching back to the nearest hospital after Dolph emerges and knocks his stupid cunt in, delivering a hellacious boot to the baws in the process. He first puts Ricardo Rodriguez through the wee party table ADR had laid oot, before hitting the man himself with the zigzag. He then tries to smash him with the guitar thats kickin about, but Del Rio escapes, so Ricardo takes that bump anaw. Ziggler plays a wee bit of guitar with the Mariachi band on his way up the road anaw, fuckin majestic stuff.
Fuckin love face Ziggler. Hell bent on getting that belt back. Cannae wait for it happening. It might even get a bigger pop than that amazing night he won it. If thats possible.
Overall a good Smackdown, Miz and Ryback aside. Loved the Shield v Usos and Christian match, and the Ziggler heroism at the end. Gid gear.
Remember, if its up yer granny's loft, in Aldi, or roon the back of the high flats wae that wee burd ye've had yer eye on since yees sat next tae each other in Higher Biology. Stay safe, dont try this.
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