Theres something unerringly likeable about Daniel Bryan. His in-ring gifts are obviously a huge part of it, but if that was the be all and end all, Shelton Benjamin would be a World Champion. Theres something else that makes him so widely loved. A peculiar charisma.
The fact that he opened this weeks Raw just shows how highly regarded he is at the moment. Cenas daft wee monologue hidden in the mid card, cause its just not what folk want tae see. Its auld hat. We're done wae it. The opening segment of any show should be designed to keep the viewer from changing the channel, and thats exactly what you get when Daniel Bryan opens yer show. Glued tae it.
The promo was more of the usual. A blend of weak link patter, and a declaration of intent tae tap Ortons jaw. Orton emerged to deliver some tired sounding shite, before the two started brawling. The wee ref that looks lit David Spade caugh a dull yin in the process and the match was declared a double DQ, but dont despair troops, they would have a real match later in the show, and boy was it worth waiting for!
We still had the warm up acts to see first, starting with..
Christian and Sheamus vs Team Rhodes Scholars
Inoffensive filler is how I'd describe this. Good tae see Christian looking sharp, and Rhodes Scholars were excellent, but the finish was predictable as fuck, and I just didnae see the point. Sheamus brogue kicked Cody Rhodes intae next month after a quick tag, and Sheamus and Christian got the win. Didnae hate it, but at the end of the day, so fuck? know. Just so fuck.
Next up was CM Punk shouting at Vickie Guerrero. When Vickie speaks, it tends tae just reach my ears as an intolerable buzzing, but the jist I got fae Punk was that he wished to be informed if either Paul Heyman or Brock Lesnar entered the building. Then he went back tae playing Tetris on his phone.
Kaitlyn vs Aksana
Match itself was a sloppy pile of nonsense, but the development of the angle between Kaitlyn and AJ at the end was interesting enough. The humiliation of Kaitlyn angle is kinda close to the Mickie James vs Michelle Mccool/Layla angle which focused on Mickies weight, as AJ came out to Kaitlyns music wearing a muscle suit to imitate Kaitlyns muscular frame. Heres the thing, I think its a compliment more than anything cause Kaitlyn is F-I-N-E and so is Mickie James. How about ye develop an angle between two "divas" that focusses on something other than their ability tae put each other down eh. Wuman power n aw that. Oh and Kaitlyn still won despite the distraction, and out came Big E in yer auld da's bowling shirt looking suave as fuck to join in the mocking of Kaitlyn.
Wyatt Family promo. Feels familiar, but its still captivating. These promos are a triumph for creative at the moment, but there's a big difference between great promos and using the Wyatts correctly as an active wrestling stable. We'll see what happens eh. They're coming.
Alberto Del Rio vs Chris Jericho
Rematch from Smackdown. Another ok match, but nothing to really rev the engine. Mainly cause I hate Del Rios stupid face. Ricardo Rodriguez saved ADR from tapping while he was locked in the walls of Jericho, so naturally oot came Dolph to pretty much batter everyone. After him and Jericho cleared the ring, this time it was Dolph who got the sucker punch in, when he hit the Zig Zag on Jericho as he was leaving the ring. I'm Y2J daft, but fuckin SIT DOON mate. Zig Zagged intae next week. Jericho wins by DQ.
Next up was a promo between Triple H, Vickie and Brad Maddox. Brad Maddox is creepy. Properly eerie. No in a cool way either. Not intentionally like the Wyatts. He's just a weirdo. The central thesis tae the segment was to announce that DBry and Orton would infact have a match later in the night.
After that we has Sheamus Brogue Kicking a cat out of a tree, and naw, im no kiddin.
The Rock is on the front cover of the next WWE game btw. This announcement was made in a segment that I have nae intention of re-living. An awful waste of time, but thats the core bit of info tae take away from it. Dwayne on the cover. The end.
Ryback vs Khali
Kindly get this tae fuck please. Ryback wins.
A fuckin waste of an hour this was aw in, perhaps a bit more. We followed that Ryback shite, with a Cena promo so filled wae cheese, it wid gie ye heart failure. Rotten.
The Usos vs Nuns of Funk vs DHDnJ (dont hinder Drew n Jinder)
All I wanted from this was a clean win for The Usos, and I got my wish. Number one contenders for the tag belts, I anticipate a beezer of a match coming up between them and The Shield. Uso'ed oot my nut. The Shield showed up afterwards, but didnae attack. That would be the only Shield sighting for the evening anaw, which just seems illogical tae me. Tons of Funk and Khali on the card, but nae Shield or Cesaro, nae logic to it at all.
After that was Punk and Heyman promo. Delicious. CM Punk projects his personality in a very special way on the mic. For long spells it feels like he's talking to you one on one, and its magical. He tells Paul Heyman that regardless of whether he sent Brock out to attack Punk last week, that he's coming for Brock. Heyman assures him he wasnt responsible. They embrace. A truly brilliant promo, with some trademark shooting from Punk. Gies this. Every week. Aw the time.
CM Punk vs Darren Young
Fuckin....eh? The Prime Time Players are probably the Tag Team that's furthest away from a shot at the belts, yet Darren Young is booked in a match wae Punk? and is actually made to look decent? Weird as fuck. Match was ok. Young hit that firemans carry intae the gutbuster that Wolfgang uses, but Punk kicked out and got the win via the Anacdonda Vice. Yer man Titus O'Neal decides aint havin that, and decides to engage Punk in hand to hand combat. Young emerges from his daze tae join in and all of sudden Punks getting his baws toed. Not to worry but, out came the kid Curtis Axel to save him from certain death. Punk isnae best pleased with Heymans latest protege gettin in his bidness and lets them both know, on no uncertain terms that they can gargle a set of baws.
Next up Stephanie McMahon has something tae tell us. Turns out a bunch of guys are in this upcoming Money in The Bank ladder match, and they're aw quite decent. Namely Daniel Bryan and Punk, but that dick Sheamus, Randy Orton, Christian, Kane and fuckin ROB VAN DAM will also be involved. I put the RVD bit in bold for anyone skim reading this, it disnae reflect my excitement at his return or anything, cause I dont gie a fuck. I'm ladder match daft but, so the prospect of this match pleases me.
Next we had Ryback talking really fast. I'm no looking for amazing promos big yin, but try n say words like a normal human please. Jericho interrupted to say he should be in the MITB match, Vickie books a match between them at MITB. Brad Maddox wis in the background somewhere sweating profusely. Bleugh.
Mark Henry man. How did this happen? I have never been anything either side of indifferent to Mark Henry for 15 fuckin years, and now he's almost reached god like status in 2 weeks. Another sublime promo. This is is Daniel Bryans time for sure, but I'd actually really like to see Henry take the belt at MITB. He has earned the right to call himself the champion even for a short spell. Cause lets be honest, who really gives a fuck about this Cena reign? I dont parituclarly dislike Cena, but its a tired routine. The champ is here, rustle royalty, respect. Fuckin gie it a bye.
Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton (Street Fight)
Excellent match. Old school street fight, with proper chair shots and aw that kerry oan. A particularly harsh one from Orton to Bryan early on looked like it might get the job done, but Daniel Bryan is made of stronger stuff than that. Yer no beatin DBry wae a chairshot Randall, no in this lifetime anyway. Orton then propped a table up in the corner, seemingly looking to put Daniel Bryan beard first through it, but Daniel thwarted this by being an amazing wrestler, and wrestling his wee erse aff. With a table set up on the outside, Bryan and Orton were going at it on the apron, Orton looked to suplex Bryan through it, but Bryan countered and fired a few dropkicks Randys way to try and get him to fall through it. Orton clung on to the ropes for dear life, but Bryan wasnt to be denied that rare joy of hearing a table break in half as he slid to the outside and powerbombed Orton aff the apron through the table. A fuckin picturesque moment which would have been the perfect finish had it been a tables match, but it wisnae, so on we went. Bryan dragged Orton into the ring for the pin, but Orton kicked out at 2, so the natural reaction to that for Daniel Bryan was to kendo stick Orton in the heid until he was seeing stars.
Orton rallied and managed to (almost) put Bryan through that table he propped up on the corner earlier. A spirited exchange between the two followed, culminating in Orton catching Bryan in mid-air for another topper of a powerbomb. Bryan of course kicked out at 2 but, cause ye ken by now, ye ken fine well he went over and ye ken how glorious it was.
He locked Orton in the yes lock, but Orton broke free after he got a grip of that Kendo Stick and went to town on Bryans jaw. Orton looked like he was ready to seal the win with the RKO, but Danny was having none of that patter, and instead got the yes lock locked in again. Orton once again reached for the Kendo Stick to try and break free, but instead Bryan used it his advantage, and Yes Lock (ach its the crippler crossface, but dont tell anyone) plus Kendo Stick = Randy Orton tapping the fuck out. Daniel Bryan wins. Nice wee handshake between at the end tae, this Orton heel turn might not be necessary after all as long as he uses the momentum from this wee feud properly.
Overall a decent Raw. Theres enough here tae keep ye well fed, but a lack of Shield and Cesaro drags it down. The promo about WWE 2k14 drags it even further, so I gie it a 6.5 outta 10. Good enough tae recommend tae a friend.
Remember, whether its at home or up that toon wae yer pals. Stay safe. Dont try this.
No comments:
Post a Comment