Survivor Series wis my favourite when I wis wee. Cause ye like hings tae be different when yer wee eh? Nothing else in the wrasslin wis even kinda like it. Hunners ah pinfalls but the match keeps gaun, jist wan of the boayzies hus tae take an early bath. I could feel a wee bit of my childhood dying every year when they started having less of yer traditional elimination matches, and eventually they were phased oot completely almost. Dunno if theres ever been a year without even one, but usually one is aw yer getting. One aint enough man, I need at least 3. This year theres 2 if ye count whit is sure tae be a messy as fuck effort wae aw the Divas. Aside fae that, yer 5 on 5 match and the Wyatts vs The Beardy Besties is the only shit I could care less aboot. I'll enjoy the Big E sighting anaw im sure, but that match is a fuckin RAW match so it is. WHERE'S ZIGGLER?
Aye....erra show tae preview, so I'll dae that noo.
The Miz vs Kofi Kingston (Pre-Show)
The Miz will win tae cement this heel turn he's just had, and naecunt will care. The watch will be similar to the 1000 other yins they've worked against each other on RAW and Smackdown over the years, and did I mention naecunt caring? aye gid.
Big E Langston vs Curtis Axel (IC Title Match)
So Curty WeeSacksel finally came up aff that belt eh? if he takes it back here, I'm smashin a beer bottle err my heid and eatin the remains. Bolt wae that patter. Fully expect it tae be 5 minutes of Big E knockin some charisma intae this cunt before hitting yon Big Ending n that'll be that. The Big E-ra (see whit it did err? aye...ye did, yer a smart kid) is only jist beginning.
7 on 7 traditional Survivor Series Match involving hunners of yer divas
Fuckin 7 on 7, so the whole match will be eliminations cause theres nae way its getting longer than 10 minutes. Shameless Total Divas promotion so it is, cause one of the teams is aw Total Divas burdz, n the other is jist yer normal everyday roasters.
Rhodes Brerrs, Uso Brerrs and Rey Mysterio Jr vs The Shield and The Real Americans (Traditional Survivor Series Match)
I'd have preferred it tae be 8 on 8, wae Rey in The Wyatts vs Punk/Bryan match, and Ambrose defending the US Belt elsewhere on the card, but this still has MOTN written aw err it for me. If Bray wis involved in the Wyatts match then it wid be that, but for me this yins got aw the ingredients tae be a stoater. I expect tae see a whole manner of mental spots, and some braw wrasslin fae these boayz. Lookin forward tae seeing wee Rey return to the PPV scene anaw, he's never been a favourite of mine, but he's always done things I'm intae wrasslin wise. I could see him or Goldy being the last man standing here, and then we aw jist bump wullies tae celebrate n that's that.
John Cena vs Berty Beltless (WH Title Match)
Why in the name of Christ is Sandow no in this match? Fuckin Cena n Bert again, take this so far tae fuck, then when ye get as far tae fuck as ye can, dig a big hole and chuck everycunt in it. Even Cena, n im Cena daft, but surely he has enough influence on booking tae go "here lads, wantae throw big Sandow in the mix here so he's actually got a shift and cunts care aboot the match?" but nut. Jist these two. I mean don't get iz wrang, they worked their best match against each other yet when Cena took the belt aff him (rendering him completely Beltless) but still, nae excuse no tae huv big Damo in err.
CM Punk and Daniel Bryan vs Luke Harper and Erick Rowan
I dunno whit the score is wae Bray. He hardly had any wrasslin time in yon 12 man tag on RAW last week anaw, so there's mibbe a wee injury there. Very odd that he isnae involved in this match (in a wrasslin sense anyway) but I'm looking forward tae it anyway, The Beard n The Best have been workin together well since they were forced together tae fight a common enemy and baith of them have worked some unbelievably gid matches wae. Luke Harper. As always wae the Wyatts boayzies, Rowans the wildcard. Sometimes the cunt looks and moves lit his body's encased in a thin layer of concrete, and other times he looks lit one of the best brawlers in the company. So we'll see, match will be gid regardless but its potential for MOTN status hinges on if the big yin can step up tae the level of the other 3 boayzies in the match.
Randy Orton vs The Big Show (WWE Title Match)
Perhaps the least relevant WWE Title match at a marquee PPV since the dawn of wrasslin time. A total fuckin pointless pile of shite. I've pit earphones in for the last 2 promo sessions these two numpties have had cause this feud shouldnae huv any belts anywhere near it. Nae belts. No even the Cruiserweight Belt. Not a belt. Get it tae fuck. My prediction fur this is that I don't care aboot any moment of it, and Orton wins cause Orton always wins. Cept when he loses.
Two matches I'm lookin furrit tae. Three at a push purely for Big Es involvement. Nae Ziggler, Nae Sandow, nae fun. Survivor Series will have been a success if the rest of the card is gid, and Show v Orton is on last so I can get tae my bed nice n early. Uni in the morning n aw that.
Don't watch Survivor Series in the presence of sharp hings cause safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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