Bobby Roode is an exceptionally talented man. His ability to turn my rampant cynicism into sunshine and rainbows is surpassed by maybe Daniel Bryan and CM Punk only in the current wrestling world. Those are three guys who can take even the most ridiculous idea and make it something special. Roode managed to do that in the short promo which opened Turning Point, where he's seen going into a bar the night previously and attacking James Storm. When Mike Tenay announced that this had happened and we'd get to see exclusive footage from it (all captured by TNA 365, where the action never stops being incredibly confusing) I was dreading what I assumed would be a sloppy pile of nonsense, but Roode somehow makes it work. Breaking a pool cue over Storms back, using his own catchphrase on Storm after pouring beer on him (well he actually said Soory aboot your damn luck, because he's Canadian and they talk funny) assuring him that they'd pick this up the following night at Turning Point.
So Turning Point eh? a free ppv, or whatever you call these things. Its really just Impact but with a set card and less 15 minute periods of aimless promos.
Samoa Joe and Dixie Carter talking backstage. Dixie tells him hes lucky to be there, and he needs to stop thinking about having a match with AJ Styles or shes's going to stick wheels on his belly and roll him off the end of the earth. I don't know, I stopped listening. Then she approaches the ring, and no one cared ever. Sports Illustrated have an article out about her btw. Who cares. Some talk about AJ. She cant believe AJ didn't want to jump on Dixie. Awful. James Storm comes out and cutss a cliché promo about how ol cowboy James Storm cant even enjoy a couple of cold ones without being attacked. I stopped listening fairly early here because NONE OF THIS MATTERS, LETS START THE WRESTLING PLEASE!?! CAN WE? Dixie doesn't like his tone. Please make it stop.
Samoa Joe vs Magnus (Falls Count Anywhere)
From the ridiculous to the sublime, as that entirely pointless promo from Dixie and Storm is followed by Samoa Joe kicking off this match by staring intensely into the camera backstage and telling us all he was there for a "scrap" and if Magnus wanted a piece of the big man, he'd have to come and find him. We come from a break to see Joe chopping that monochrome chest of Magnus's into oblivion. They appear on the stage fairly quickly and exchange jabs and chops at the side of the ring, before winding up in the ring within 2 minutes, which for me kinda defeated the purpose of starting the match backstage, but there we go. Magnus connects with a big boot, before coming off the top rope only to be caught in an atomic drop by Joe. Joe hits a beautiful powerslam, and the 'JOE!' chants ring out. Everyone loves Samoa Joe. I once exchanged Tribe Called Quest lyrics with the man on twitter, so he and I are pretty much best pals. A brief stramash on the top rope ensues, with Joe blocking a flying elbow attempt, and Magnus blocking Joes superplex attempt, but Magnus finally gets the better of it and hits the flying elbow at the second attempt. Big suicide dive from Joe on the outside gets a 2 count. Magnus pulls a chair out and kinda stares at it for a while, seemingly confused as to what its purpose is, he finally decides to wedge it awkwardly between the middle and top turnbuckle facing the outside, and after a brief bit of choke hold action from Joe, Magnus ends up propped against the aforementioned chair and when Joe charged at him, Magnus cunningly moved and Joe went head first into the chair. Genuinely a wee bit surprised Magnus was capable of the spontaneity of thought which is required for such a smooth manoeuvre, but he went and did it. Maybe Joe called the spot in great detail while whispering sweet nothings about how terrible his promos are in Magnus' ear, and eh....that was enough for the pin. Seriously. Joe crashed into a chair head first and that led to the pin. I just.....what? A bonafide machine like Joe bested by running into a chair? awful. Worse than Angle knocking himself out with his own moves. God almighty TNA, why do you do this to me?
Bad Influence are exactly what everyone needed at this point, beautiful pair of hilarious bastards they are. Looking smart casual and suave as ever boys. Kazarian calls Joseph Park a 'chubby piece of wiener cheese' and I just cried my eyes out with laughter. Unbelievable patter. Jospeh Park emerges and tells them to shut up. Park is out for his match with his brother Abyss, who we all know is the same person, so lets see how this pans out eh......
Abyss' music plays but the big man doesn't emerge, because hes already in the ring. Daniels asks where he is? these people came to be entertained, so he better do a truffle shuffle or something. Daniels says Park isn't a man, he's a human waterbed. He's a bag of Mayonnaise in a tracksuit. They're tearing the poor man a new one. They're looking to set off an Abyss attack, which is usually prompted by Park seeing himself bleed, so Kaz dumps a bucket of raspberry syrup on his napper (that's Scottish for head btw) but no Abyss attack occurs. He struts up the ramp crying. Cant believe Bad Influence were involved in a segment which I managed to hate. Difficult to watch.
Gail Kim vs Candice Larea
So....this is an open challenge from Gail every week? Right.....ok. Missile dropkick from Gail is followed by a beautiful hurricanrana from Candice. So far so good. A forearm exchange follows that, and Gail hits eat defeat for the win. As 2 minute matches go, this was actually pretty good. Should have been given more time.
James Storm vs Bobby Roode (Florida Deathmatch)
These two were responsible for one of my all time favourite hardcore matches at Bound For Glory last year, so this was always going to be good. Two guys committed to storytelling in the ring above all else and both talented wrestlers. Storm comes out first, and gets a Singapore Cane in hand ready for Roode making his entrance. Roode barely gets two steps up the ramp before taking a cane to the belly.
Storm clearly still feeling annoyed at having a pool cue smashed across his back. Storm punches Roode a lot, which is a shame because I remember a time when they were closer than close. Compadres. Brothers. Roode gives him some jabs back and Storm is already busted open. Roode attempts to whip him into the steel steps but Storm reverses and sends Roode flying. Roode gets the better of things back in the ring, as he smashes baking tray over Storms dome, before choking him with a crutch briefly. Storm rallies, and sets up a trash can square on Roodes nuts. Singapore cane sends the trash can towards the crown jewels, Bobby Roode is now cross eyed. Storm goes for the eye of the storm on the trashcan, but Roode blocks it, and hits a sickening spinebuster on the trash can. So far this was nowhere near as good as the hardcore matches they'd had in the past, but it finally hit its storytelling stride when the former beer money brothers exchanged skull shattering shots with a trash can lids. Storm hits the superkick soon after and looked well in control of this battle, but Roode somehow reagthered his energies and knocks Storm clean out with a beer bottle once again. Storm looks like hes down for the TKO, but the cowboy drags himself up off the mat at a count of 9. Roode sets up 2 chairs and send Storm crashing through them, that has to be it surely? Nope. Much like some of the more battle hardened alcoholics Ive encountered in my life, they sometimes just don't know when to quit. Roode decides the only thing that'll get the job done is a deathtrap masquerading a plywood board covered in barbed wire, but just as we're getting to the delicious good stuff, Gunner comes down and spoils the fun by throwing in the towel. The cowboy taps out. If anyone needed any more reasons to hate Gunner, heres a fresh one. Storm isn't a happy bunny either, and I can see him turning on Gunner, but unfortunately for us all it doesent happen.
Someone called Samuel Shaw having a date with Christy Hemme. I thought this was the start of a low budget porno and immediately removed everything I had on from the waist down...kimono, denim shorts, tights. It all came off, but she leaves him her number and leaves fully clothed. Just one of the many let downs that occurred from this show.
EC3 vs Shark Boy
GIMME A SHELL YEAH! This is the stuff we need. Finally I get to review an EC3 match after a self imposed hiatus for the sake of my sanity. Nice to see the Sharkster. Sharky goes with the tried and tested spot with the jabs on the top rope, but EC3 puts Shark Boy away with the one percenter. Another squash, but at least it was a squash against someone I cared about so that's improvement. EC3 could be a great gimmick if he actually starts to wrestle people I care about, because hes a talented worker, I just refuse to watch a guy squash the same jobbers every week. My brain will not allow it.
Bully Ray vs Anderson (If Bully wins Anderson leaves TNA, is Anderson wins Aces and Eights are done)
Bully cuts a promo about how he was the only one who cared about Anderson a year ago, and after he piledrives him through the stage he'll take good care of his pregnant wife. That angle can go bolt. Infact this whole match could go away really. If Anderson doesn't win, I RIOT! even though the event was 3 days ago and I already know who wins....
Anderson clubs him with the mic, before screaming his name into the same mic. Bully sets up a table in the corner, but Anderson fights out of his attempt to put him through it. They exchange rights before Bully hits a big boot to Andersons jaw. They echange slaps before Bully knocks Anderson down. Taz apparently knows when Bully gets annoyed, and punching people in the head is one of the indicators that hes been irked. A chain gets thrown in the mix, but Bully stops Anderson from knocking him out with it. Knux gets involves and gets piledriven on to the exposed concrete. Bully uses this distraction to drag Anderson back in the ring, and hits a laboured spear on Anderson through the table, but Anderson kicks out. Brooke decides its hammer time, and lobs a hammer in Bully's direction, but she throws it too high, and Anderson catches it to knock Bully out with it. 1,2,3 Aces and Eights is officially over. About 6 months too late.
Overall Turning Point was full of annoyances and the finish for the Magnus v Joe match was horrendous, but Storm and Roode was brutal, so I'll give it an entirely neutral 5 corkscrew planchas out of 10.
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